begin
3: mine too
word count: 4,038
cw//angst, profanity, death of parent, grief |
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"I can't believe how long it's been," you leaned your head on Jin's shoulder. Your entire family was flying back to Korea for the first time since you moved years before. Both you and Jin, now grown adults, felt nervous about returning. Things hadn't exactly remained the same, as you both thought they were going to, especially when it came to relationships. And now, the reason you were returning wasn't such a happy reunion.
--
"They couldn't revive him," your mom explained, as you held your phone to your ear in disbelief. "What do you mean, mom? He died?" You were in shock, it was as if you were unable to comprehend words. "Yes," she sniffled, obviously upset, "can you believe it, the boys must be just beside themselves. Maybe you should call Jungkook?" "Thanks for calling me," you quickly changed the subject, "are you making the arrangements for all of us? Or should I make mine?" "Oh, dear," your mom was truly upset, "of course I'll take care of it. I don't want us showing up separate." "Did you tell, Jin?" You asked, wondering if you could call to commiserate with him. "Yes, right before you, sweetie," she sniffled again, "he couldn't believe it." "I'll call him, after we hang up," you needed to get off the call, "thanks for taking care of everything mom. Call you later."
You hung up and your memories flooded back in, returning back to all those years before…to the that last day you saw him.
--
"So, I guess this is really goodbye," he said, holding onto you. "Yeah, I guess it is," you held onto him, still wondering how being with him, with you in one country and him in another would work, "but it's not like we're never going to talk again or something." "Yeah, right," he teased, "you're totally gonna forget about me as soon as you get to your cool new school and you'll have cool American friends." "Oh my god," you shook your head, "we've known each other since we were kids, how could I forget you, loser." He smiled, that smile, that damn smile that just melted your heart…that made leaving him so painful. "I wish we would have had more time," he held onto your hand, running his finger against your palm, as he held onto you. "Me too," you looked down, feeling so sad that you were having trouble keeping eye contact.
He gently lifted up on your chin, connecting his eyes with yours again, "I won't be able to see you, like this, for a while." You smiled, no longer holding back your tears, "this is so stupid." He nodded in agreement, before pulling you into his chest again, holding his arms around your shoulders. You snuggled against him, listening to his heart, feeling so much regret. Maybe you shouldn't have given up your crush on him. Maybe you should've just told him that you'd be perfect together. Maybe, you shouldn't have…wasted time. "This isn't forever, Sweets," he whispered, "just a little bit of time apart and you'll be back. Right? We can totally do this." You were crying into his chest and all you could do was nod. Hoping, wishing, praying that moment with him would last forever.
"We gotta go now, sis," Jin reluctantly pulled you out of your moment with Jungkook. You squeezed him tighter, as if maybe you could just transport to the future and be right back there…back with him. "Text me when you land," Jungkook forced a smile onto his face, wanting to be strong for you, "we'll talk tonight, ok? It's gonna be fine. I love you. Best friends…." He held his pinky out to you and you connected yours with his, while nodding, "Forever…I love you."
--
"Have you talked with Namjoon?" You asked Jin the moment he answered. "No, not yet," he sounded frantic, unlike himself, "what do I say? Like which words could possibly make any sense?" "I was thinking the same thing with Jungkook," you bit on the inside of your cheek, feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and so guilty, "but at least you talk to Joonie regularly. Well, more regularly than I've talked to JK." "Yeah," Jin sounded lost, "except, I've not talked with him in like a few months. I can't believe their dad died. How is this even possible?" "I know, it's so sad," you were only thinking about yourself and how you would feel being back in his presence, "I think I'm going to call him. I feel like he would have called me if god forbid it was dad."
"Yeah, I'm gonna call Namjoon, too," he released a heavy sigh and you released one of your own to match. "How did we become those people, brother?" You asked, both of you thinking about ways that things could have been different. "I just think we had to get used to a new life, you know, its not like we didn't want to stay in touch. I mean, I still feel terrible that I decided to study here. Namjoon understood, but, that was a big deal," it was obvious that neither of you had really taken the time to think about everything, "I feel so guilty about that, maybe I would have still been close to him and I don't know…who cares now, right? It's in the past and we're happy, like all four of us are happy, right? It happens." "Yeah," you nodded, thinking again about the last promise with Jungkook.
"Well, call me later, after you talk to Joonie," you emphasized. "Why don't you call me after you talk to Jungkook?" He knew you were trying to get him to put his feet in the memory lane pool first. "But, if I do that, I won't be able to ask you how Jungkook is doing before I call him. Please big brother, you call first," you were already pleading with him. Jin chuckled, he was the best big brother for a reason, "one day your whining is not going to work on me." "So, you'll call me, after?" You were weirdly excited, a blessed delay in tearing your heart apart, but Jin, ever the wiser, pointed out, "ok, I will, but before I do…you know they'll be together. How will JK feel if you've not called?" "You smart bastard," you sighed, "...dammit, we pretty much have to call at the same time. Ugh, I hate that I love you so much."
He chuckled and teased, "I am very hard not to love. Loveable and handsome, pretty much perfection." "Whatever," your tone was an obvious eye roll, "but, yes you are perfect. But, Jinnie, I'm scared. What if he hates me?" "Well, that could be true," he started, "unlikely, but it could be. However, as dad would tell us, 'it's not about you, it's about someone else'. We have to think about the someone else's this time." "Ugh, seriously, you are annoyingly perfect," you groaned, "fine, yes, you're right. But, when he totally makes me feel so much more guilty, you're coming over to drink with me." "I wouldn't have thought about anything else," he chuckled, "good luck, sister." "Good luck, brother," you sighed, "call me later. Love you." "Love you too," he hung up the phone and suddenly you felt a panic come over you, "What if he really does hate me?"
-
"Hello," he answered and his voice cracked, it was obvious that he had been crying. "Hi, Jungkook, it's me," you slammed your hand against your forehead and silently cursed at yourself, 'its me? As if you talked to him last week. Ugh, cringe.' "I mean…," you were honestly at a loss, you could feel his grief through the phone, what could you say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom called. I'm so so sorry, Jungkook." "Thank you," he sounded appreciative, but still distant, "I can't believe it. I'm still expecting him to walk through the door. It's surreal." "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling," you were sympathetic, but you hadn't talked to him in years, you weren't even sure what his life was like now. "I appreciate you calling," his voice was somber and so sad.
You didn't want to add anything negative to how he was already feeling, so you decided to move toward ending the call, "I know we've not talked in some time, but, I just want you to know I'm here for you. If you want to talk to an old friend, I'm happy to just listen or whatever you need. Is there anything else I can do?" "I'm happy to hear your voice," he started, pausing for a moment, "I missed it." 'Oh my god you are literally the worst person in the world!' You inner self-loathing was loud, as if there were a firework explosion in the middle of your apartment, "I do wish it was under different circumstances. I'm sorry it's like this." "Just hearing you is a comfort, thank you for calling and for your offer to talk. I appreciate you, Sweets," his tone was sweet, kind, even loving…you hated yourself. His nickname for you, the one he'd given you during those blissful days with him, felt like a knife straight through your heart.
"Please don't hesitate to call, ok? I'm serious," you wanted the pain to end, "I'll see you soon." "What do you mean?" He was completely taken by surprise. "Oh, umm, well for the service. All of us are flying out. I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Is that ok?" You were suddenly overtaken with another dose of guilt, 'oh my god, would he even want me there?' "Yes, of course it's ok," he answered quickly, as if you'd change your mind if he didn't answer fast enough, "I just didn't know you would all be traveling here." "Yeah, of course we would," you assured him, letting him know that no matter what there was no other place you'd ever be, "we all loved your father. Our parents stayed close…" "I'm so grateful," he sounded like he was holding back tears, "my mom could really use the support. And…us too."
"Absolutely," you shrugged, "we'll be there." "Thank you," he sounded more ready to hang up, "I'll see you then." "See you then," you assured, "but, remember you can call me, I'm here." "Thank you for calling," he hung up and you started to sob. "My poor Jungkook," you shook your head, holding your hands against your heart, "how am I going to do this?"
-
"How was he?" Jin asked when you answered the phone. You'd sent him a text to let him know your call was finished about 30 minutes before he called you back. "Terrible," you confessed, "worse than I anticipated. What about Namjoon?" "He's holding it together for all of them," Jin shared, "but he's bound to crash soon. He's high energy, processing through tasks, mostly caring for his mom. I'm hoping that we'll be there before he does." "This is honestly so heartbreaking, brother. What do we do?" You were at a loss, you felt helpless, frustrated, and so overwhelmingly sad. "I'm still talking to Namjoon," Jin admitted, "I told him I needed to check in with you, but I told him I'd call him right back. We've been talking since we hung up."
"Really?" You were instantly envious, knowing that you were definitely the one that dropped the BFF ball with Jungkook, wishing you'd kept better contact like Jin had with Namjoon. "Yeah," he chuckled, "we're like old women, we've held the same conversation for years." "Yeah, I suppose that's true," you giggled and quickly moved to ending the call, "I'm so glad he has you brother. I'll let you get back to him. Please offer my condolences." "Will do," he confirmed, but before he hung up, he left you some big brother love, "don't worry about what did or did not happen. The phone works both ways. You are still an incredible human being. Love you!" "I love you too, brother. Thank you," you started to cry again.
You started to run back the tape, wondering how things changed, when they did…it was as if 10 years had passed by in a flash, "where did the time go?"
--
"So, the little punk kissed you, huh?" Jin shook his head, before chuckling, "I knew it. Only a matter of time, I told Namjoon it was coming." "What are you even talking about? What was coming?" You were intrigued, wondering what you had been missing. "Him falling for you," Jin raised his eyebrows, 'duh' clearly spread across his face. "What-ever," you rolled your eyes, "I've told you over and over we are just friends." "Oh my sweet, adorable, naive sister. There is no way for boys to be 'just friends' with girls," he shook his head as if exasperated. "Yes, there is, because that's what me and Jungkook are," you shook your head, pouting in frustration. "Oh, really, when is the last time one of your girl friends kissed you?" He asked, crossing his arms in front of him, clear judgement on his face.
"Oh come on, that's different," you answered, but couldn't think of why it was. "In what way?" He knew you and expertly called your bluff. "It just is," you stated matter of fact, as if that somehow made it a legitimate answer. "Yes, you're right, it is different because Jungkook has a dick," Jin laughed, especially after your jaw dropped open. "Jiiiiin," you pushed him, "stop, don't say that." "Don't say what? That he has a dick? You do realize that guys and girls have different plumbing, right? You do know that?" He asked his questions, through fits of laughter. You hit him over the head with your pillow and scolded, "yes, I'm not an idiot. I know. But that's never been an issue with us. We've just been friends."
"Yeah, except for all those years you had a crush on him," he teased you and you felt your face get hot. "Stop," you whined, still slamming the pillow into him, "I didn't." "Oh no, there is no way I'm letting that go. You used to beg me, like annoyingly whining begging to go with me to Namjoon's. So loud that mom made me take you with me. Then when we got there, you'd get all shy and goo goo eyed, then he'd hand you a game controller and you'd play all day…you loved the kid," he was relentless in teasing you, making a clear point that indeed he knew all along that this would be a conversation you'd have with him.
"Ok, so, maybe I did, but we were like what 5 or 6," you countered, "we grew up and became friends only. And I've been perfectly fine with that. No lovey dovey stuff, ever. Just good friends." "Until now," he reminded you of the situation you were in. "It's not like he asked me out or something. He was probably just curious or something," you shrugged, "I mean it's not like it even matters anymore, we're moving." "Yes, that is true, but back it up just a moment, curious about what, my dear sister. Please tell me, your older brother, what the neighbor kid was curious about with you that included kissing," he shifted into big brother mode quicker than you could process. "I don't know," you shrugged, "he ran out so quickly. Maybe, it was bad. Oh my god, is that why he ran out? Oh my god, that's so embarrassing."
"Eww, gross," Jin squinted his eyes and shook his head, "that's a convo for your friends, not me. Never ever talk to me about that again." "Ok, fine," you shrugged with raised eyebrows indicating he had essentially asked. "Ick," he pretended to be disgusted a bit more, then chuckled, "ok, for real. The only way you are solving this riddle is to talk to him about it. If he's into you, yuck– I can not believe I'm telling you this– anyway, if he's into you, he'll let you know…well if he isn't a complete moron. And if he isn't then he's an idiot and I don't want you with him anyway." "But, we're not even going to be around, what if he is? And maybe I am, then what? We have less than a month left here?" You fell back onto your bed, a heavy sigh accompanying you on the way down.
"You have a point, but…and again, I can't believe I'm saying this," he shook his head, "people do long distance relationships all the time, right? But regardless of that, you don't want to leave with things unsaid. You don't want to be wondering when we are thousands of miles away in a different country. You should still talk to him and get some kind of understanding. I don't want you to leave here without some kind of closure." You smiled, throwing your arms around him, kissing his cheek, "awww, thank you big brother, you love me, you really love me." "Yeah, yeah," he shrugged, pretending to be annoyed, "you're a good girl, you deserve a good dude. We'll see if Jungkook is that dude."
"Ok, I'm going to go get this ick off of me," he started to walk out of your bedroom, "don't worry about it, ok? There's nothing wrong with you." "Thank you, brother! You're the best," you shouted out as you watched him walk downstairs.
--
He stared into your eyes, holding his forehead against yours, no words just feelings enveloping both of you. You felt like you were literally floating and you couldn't think of anything more important than being with him. But…what now? He must have sensed what you were thinking, so he kissed you again, then gripped onto your hand and led you back to your bed. You sat facing each other, knees touching, smiles a mile wide…kissing a few more times, before he addressed the situation, "I don't know what being together will look like, but, I know that I like you. I think I've liked you for longer than I've admitted and now, I feel so stupid." "Why?" You asked, thinking that it could be a number of things. He chuckled and rolled his eyes, "I…ah, I…should have kissed you sooner."
"Yeah, you should have, dummy," you teased, before you leaned forward and kissed him, holding his face between your hands, "so, why didn't you? And, why did you now?" He shrugged, closing his eyes, searching his brain for a reason that made sense, "I guess I was afraid. Our friendship is special. You're the only girl I've ever really gotten to know. You're my best friend. I just never let myself think of you as more than that…until, it's all I could think of. And now, here we are…with a time limit." "You're so sweet," you kissed him, "I like this Jungkook." He smiled, an obvious flush taking over his face, "I want to be with you…" "Like what, boyfriend and girlfriend?" You asked, the terms seemed so foreign, especially in conversation with Jungkook.
"Yeah, I think so," he admitted, "my favorite moments are with you. I am happiest when we are together. I'm terrified that our friendship could be impacted if somehow it goes bad…but, I would rather take the chance then you leave and wonder what if." "So, what are you saying…exactly," you wanted to make absolutely sure that you understood what was happening. He chuckled, holding his hand against your face, "will you be my girlfriend, Sweets?" "Sweets?" You blushed, gushing with how exponentially cuter he was. "Yeah, I think becoming a couple requires that you no longer go by first names, so…if you're my girl, you'll be Sweets," he looked down, suddenly embarrassed and shy, "is that ok?" "Oh my god," you kissed his cheek, "you are the most adorable boyfriend."
He smiled, hearing you call him 'boyfriend', "so then, we're doing this?" You nodded exaggeratingly, "yes, it's about damn time, we're absolutely doing this, Bae." He laughed, falling back on your bed, "no, sorry, I will not accept 'Bae', Sweets. You must pick something else." "Yeah, it didn't quite roll off the tongue as I'd hoped," you laid on top of his chest. He smiled and guided your lips back to his, "speaking of rolling off the tongue." You kissed, and kissed, and kissed…until he suddenly stopped. He jumped up, and you heard him say, 'oh fuck, goddamn, not again.' "What's wrong?" You looked at him confused, suddenly remembering that he'd done the same thing at his house.
"Nothing," he stated nervously, unsure what to do about the 'rising' issue. "Nothing? Really?" You tilted your head to the side, kneeling on your bed as you stared at him. "Well, something. But nothing with you, Sweets," he was mortified, but at the same time, you were you…and now that you were his, maybe he could tell you. "Babe, what's 'the something'?" You decided to try to get him to relax with a new name. He smiled and his body started to feel mushy, like his heart for you. He inched back over to you, kissing you, and nodding against your head, "I never thought I'd be a 'babe' guy, but…I'm for sure a babe guy." "Yeah," you smiled as you kissed him, "you like that, babe?" "Mmm hmm," he smiled even bigger, kissing you, then feeling his excitement again, "dammit!"
"Jesus Christ, Jungkook," you insisted on his attention, "I will seriously break up with you if you don't tell me what the fuck is up?" He couldn't help but laugh at your choice of words and instead of saying anything, he just pointed. "Oh, oh god," you fell back, burying your head in your pillow to look away in an extremely extra way, "do you need to, ah, go or like use the bathroom or…something?" You heard him laughing and you turned to him, confused, but you started to join in the laughter. "Sweets," he tried to talk, "there is nothing I can do about it here. You're kind of the reason it's happening." "What? What do you mean? What am I doing?" You were definitely not exactly sure what was happening. Did you understand 'wood', of course you did, you had an older brother. But, you'd never been in this position.
He giggled, approaching you again, laying next to you but facing away from you, "kissing you, umm, is really hot. You…are really hot. Thinking about all of the hotness, makes me…well, this happens." "Oh, ok, well…what am I supposed to do with this information?" You hid your face under your pillow, giggling as you felt his back against yours, internal dialogue constant…'damn, when have I not been completely in love with him?' "Nothing, just give me a second, Sweets," he took some deep breaths as a few minutes passed and then he turned around and spooned you. "I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed," he whispered outside of your ear. You turned to face him, running your fingers through his hair, "it's ok, I don't care. It's actually kinda hot." You had also felt aroused, clearly you felt wetness between your legs, and you bit down on your lower lip. "Oh god," he closed his eyes, "please don't do that. Fuck, I can't see you like that. Too hot, so fucking hot."
You giggled, "I wish I didn't love you all flustered like this. I just want to keep flirting with you." "Oh god," he shook his head, "I'll get better at controlling it. I think I've just had all these hidden feelings and thoughts and now…we're here and I'm so close to you. I just…I'll get better at control." "It's ok," you kissed him, "I'm seriously flattered, babe. I'll take it easy on you, until you're better at that." He smiled and pushed your hair back from your face and gushed, "I think this is the happiest moment of my life." You covered your mouth with your hand, clearly touched, "oh my god, Jungkook, you're the sweetest. I think it's mine too."
--
"They couldn't revive him," your mom explained, as you held your phone to your ear in disbelief. "What do you mean, mom? He died?" You were in shock, it was as if you were unable to comprehend words. "Yes," she sniffled, obviously upset, "can you believe it, the boys must be just beside themselves. Maybe you should call Jungkook?" "Thanks for calling me," you quickly changed the subject, "are you making the arrangements for all of us? Or should I make mine?" "Oh, dear," your mom was truly upset, "of course I'll take care of it. I don't want us showing up separate." "Did you tell, Jin?" You asked, wondering if you could call to commiserate with him. "Yes, right before you, sweetie," she sniffled again, "he couldn't believe it." "I'll call him, after we hang up," you needed to get off the call, "thanks for taking care of everything mom. Call you later."
You hung up and your memories flooded back in, returning back to all those years before…to the that last day you saw him.
--
"So, I guess this is really goodbye," he said, holding onto you. "Yeah, I guess it is," you held onto him, still wondering how being with him, with you in one country and him in another would work, "but it's not like we're never going to talk again or something." "Yeah, right," he teased, "you're totally gonna forget about me as soon as you get to your cool new school and you'll have cool American friends." "Oh my god," you shook your head, "we've known each other since we were kids, how could I forget you, loser." He smiled, that smile, that damn smile that just melted your heart…that made leaving him so painful. "I wish we would have had more time," he held onto your hand, running his finger against your palm, as he held onto you. "Me too," you looked down, feeling so sad that you were having trouble keeping eye contact.
He gently lifted up on your chin, connecting his eyes with yours again, "I won't be able to see you, like this, for a while." You smiled, no longer holding back your tears, "this is so stupid." He nodded in agreement, before pulling you into his chest again, holding his arms around your shoulders. You snuggled against him, listening to his heart, feeling so much regret. Maybe you shouldn't have given up your crush on him. Maybe you should've just told him that you'd be perfect together. Maybe, you shouldn't have…wasted time. "This isn't forever, Sweets," he whispered, "just a little bit of time apart and you'll be back. Right? We can totally do this." You were crying into his chest and all you could do was nod. Hoping, wishing, praying that moment with him would last forever.
"We gotta go now, sis," Jin reluctantly pulled you out of your moment with Jungkook. You squeezed him tighter, as if maybe you could just transport to the future and be right back there…back with him. "Text me when you land," Jungkook forced a smile onto his face, wanting to be strong for you, "we'll talk tonight, ok? It's gonna be fine. I love you. Best friends…." He held his pinky out to you and you connected yours with his, while nodding, "Forever…I love you."
--
"Have you talked with Namjoon?" You asked Jin the moment he answered. "No, not yet," he sounded frantic, unlike himself, "what do I say? Like which words could possibly make any sense?" "I was thinking the same thing with Jungkook," you bit on the inside of your cheek, feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and so guilty, "but at least you talk to Joonie regularly. Well, more regularly than I've talked to JK." "Yeah," Jin sounded lost, "except, I've not talked with him in like a few months. I can't believe their dad died. How is this even possible?" "I know, it's so sad," you were only thinking about yourself and how you would feel being back in his presence, "I think I'm going to call him. I feel like he would have called me if god forbid it was dad."
"Yeah, I'm gonna call Namjoon, too," he released a heavy sigh and you released one of your own to match. "How did we become those people, brother?" You asked, both of you thinking about ways that things could have been different. "I just think we had to get used to a new life, you know, its not like we didn't want to stay in touch. I mean, I still feel terrible that I decided to study here. Namjoon understood, but, that was a big deal," it was obvious that neither of you had really taken the time to think about everything, "I feel so guilty about that, maybe I would have still been close to him and I don't know…who cares now, right? It's in the past and we're happy, like all four of us are happy, right? It happens." "Yeah," you nodded, thinking again about the last promise with Jungkook.
"Well, call me later, after you talk to Joonie," you emphasized. "Why don't you call me after you talk to Jungkook?" He knew you were trying to get him to put his feet in the memory lane pool first. "But, if I do that, I won't be able to ask you how Jungkook is doing before I call him. Please big brother, you call first," you were already pleading with him. Jin chuckled, he was the best big brother for a reason, "one day your whining is not going to work on me." "So, you'll call me, after?" You were weirdly excited, a blessed delay in tearing your heart apart, but Jin, ever the wiser, pointed out, "ok, I will, but before I do…you know they'll be together. How will JK feel if you've not called?" "You smart bastard," you sighed, "...dammit, we pretty much have to call at the same time. Ugh, I hate that I love you so much."
He chuckled and teased, "I am very hard not to love. Loveable and handsome, pretty much perfection." "Whatever," your tone was an obvious eye roll, "but, yes you are perfect. But, Jinnie, I'm scared. What if he hates me?" "Well, that could be true," he started, "unlikely, but it could be. However, as dad would tell us, 'it's not about you, it's about someone else'. We have to think about the someone else's this time." "Ugh, seriously, you are annoyingly perfect," you groaned, "fine, yes, you're right. But, when he totally makes me feel so much more guilty, you're coming over to drink with me." "I wouldn't have thought about anything else," he chuckled, "good luck, sister." "Good luck, brother," you sighed, "call me later. Love you." "Love you too," he hung up the phone and suddenly you felt a panic come over you, "What if he really does hate me?"
-
"Hello," he answered and his voice cracked, it was obvious that he had been crying. "Hi, Jungkook, it's me," you slammed your hand against your forehead and silently cursed at yourself, 'its me? As if you talked to him last week. Ugh, cringe.' "I mean…," you were honestly at a loss, you could feel his grief through the phone, what could you say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom called. I'm so so sorry, Jungkook." "Thank you," he sounded appreciative, but still distant, "I can't believe it. I'm still expecting him to walk through the door. It's surreal." "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling," you were sympathetic, but you hadn't talked to him in years, you weren't even sure what his life was like now. "I appreciate you calling," his voice was somber and so sad.
You didn't want to add anything negative to how he was already feeling, so you decided to move toward ending the call, "I know we've not talked in some time, but, I just want you to know I'm here for you. If you want to talk to an old friend, I'm happy to just listen or whatever you need. Is there anything else I can do?" "I'm happy to hear your voice," he started, pausing for a moment, "I missed it." 'Oh my god you are literally the worst person in the world!' You inner self-loathing was loud, as if there were a firework explosion in the middle of your apartment, "I do wish it was under different circumstances. I'm sorry it's like this." "Just hearing you is a comfort, thank you for calling and for your offer to talk. I appreciate you, Sweets," his tone was sweet, kind, even loving…you hated yourself. His nickname for you, the one he'd given you during those blissful days with him, felt like a knife straight through your heart.
"Please don't hesitate to call, ok? I'm serious," you wanted the pain to end, "I'll see you soon." "What do you mean?" He was completely taken by surprise. "Oh, umm, well for the service. All of us are flying out. I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Is that ok?" You were suddenly overtaken with another dose of guilt, 'oh my god, would he even want me there?' "Yes, of course it's ok," he answered quickly, as if you'd change your mind if he didn't answer fast enough, "I just didn't know you would all be traveling here." "Yeah, of course we would," you assured him, letting him know that no matter what there was no other place you'd ever be, "we all loved your father. Our parents stayed close…" "I'm so grateful," he sounded like he was holding back tears, "my mom could really use the support. And…us too."
"Absolutely," you shrugged, "we'll be there." "Thank you," he sounded more ready to hang up, "I'll see you then." "See you then," you assured, "but, remember you can call me, I'm here." "Thank you for calling," he hung up and you started to sob. "My poor Jungkook," you shook your head, holding your hands against your heart, "how am I going to do this?"
-
"How was he?" Jin asked when you answered the phone. You'd sent him a text to let him know your call was finished about 30 minutes before he called you back. "Terrible," you confessed, "worse than I anticipated. What about Namjoon?" "He's holding it together for all of them," Jin shared, "but he's bound to crash soon. He's high energy, processing through tasks, mostly caring for his mom. I'm hoping that we'll be there before he does." "This is honestly so heartbreaking, brother. What do we do?" You were at a loss, you felt helpless, frustrated, and so overwhelmingly sad. "I'm still talking to Namjoon," Jin admitted, "I told him I needed to check in with you, but I told him I'd call him right back. We've been talking since we hung up."
"Really?" You were instantly envious, knowing that you were definitely the one that dropped the BFF ball with Jungkook, wishing you'd kept better contact like Jin had with Namjoon. "Yeah," he chuckled, "we're like old women, we've held the same conversation for years." "Yeah, I suppose that's true," you giggled and quickly moved to ending the call, "I'm so glad he has you brother. I'll let you get back to him. Please offer my condolences." "Will do," he confirmed, but before he hung up, he left you some big brother love, "don't worry about what did or did not happen. The phone works both ways. You are still an incredible human being. Love you!" "I love you too, brother. Thank you," you started to cry again.
You started to run back the tape, wondering how things changed, when they did…it was as if 10 years had passed by in a flash, "where did the time go?"
--
"So, the little punk kissed you, huh?" Jin shook his head, before chuckling, "I knew it. Only a matter of time, I told Namjoon it was coming." "What are you even talking about? What was coming?" You were intrigued, wondering what you had been missing. "Him falling for you," Jin raised his eyebrows, 'duh' clearly spread across his face. "What-ever," you rolled your eyes, "I've told you over and over we are just friends." "Oh my sweet, adorable, naive sister. There is no way for boys to be 'just friends' with girls," he shook his head as if exasperated. "Yes, there is, because that's what me and Jungkook are," you shook your head, pouting in frustration. "Oh, really, when is the last time one of your girl friends kissed you?" He asked, crossing his arms in front of him, clear judgement on his face.
"Oh come on, that's different," you answered, but couldn't think of why it was. "In what way?" He knew you and expertly called your bluff. "It just is," you stated matter of fact, as if that somehow made it a legitimate answer. "Yes, you're right, it is different because Jungkook has a dick," Jin laughed, especially after your jaw dropped open. "Jiiiiin," you pushed him, "stop, don't say that." "Don't say what? That he has a dick? You do realize that guys and girls have different plumbing, right? You do know that?" He asked his questions, through fits of laughter. You hit him over the head with your pillow and scolded, "yes, I'm not an idiot. I know. But that's never been an issue with us. We've just been friends."
"Yeah, except for all those years you had a crush on him," he teased you and you felt your face get hot. "Stop," you whined, still slamming the pillow into him, "I didn't." "Oh no, there is no way I'm letting that go. You used to beg me, like annoyingly whining begging to go with me to Namjoon's. So loud that mom made me take you with me. Then when we got there, you'd get all shy and goo goo eyed, then he'd hand you a game controller and you'd play all day…you loved the kid," he was relentless in teasing you, making a clear point that indeed he knew all along that this would be a conversation you'd have with him.
"Ok, so, maybe I did, but we were like what 5 or 6," you countered, "we grew up and became friends only. And I've been perfectly fine with that. No lovey dovey stuff, ever. Just good friends." "Until now," he reminded you of the situation you were in. "It's not like he asked me out or something. He was probably just curious or something," you shrugged, "I mean it's not like it even matters anymore, we're moving." "Yes, that is true, but back it up just a moment, curious about what, my dear sister. Please tell me, your older brother, what the neighbor kid was curious about with you that included kissing," he shifted into big brother mode quicker than you could process. "I don't know," you shrugged, "he ran out so quickly. Maybe, it was bad. Oh my god, is that why he ran out? Oh my god, that's so embarrassing."
"Eww, gross," Jin squinted his eyes and shook his head, "that's a convo for your friends, not me. Never ever talk to me about that again." "Ok, fine," you shrugged with raised eyebrows indicating he had essentially asked. "Ick," he pretended to be disgusted a bit more, then chuckled, "ok, for real. The only way you are solving this riddle is to talk to him about it. If he's into you, yuck– I can not believe I'm telling you this– anyway, if he's into you, he'll let you know…well if he isn't a complete moron. And if he isn't then he's an idiot and I don't want you with him anyway." "But, we're not even going to be around, what if he is? And maybe I am, then what? We have less than a month left here?" You fell back onto your bed, a heavy sigh accompanying you on the way down.
"You have a point, but…and again, I can't believe I'm saying this," he shook his head, "people do long distance relationships all the time, right? But regardless of that, you don't want to leave with things unsaid. You don't want to be wondering when we are thousands of miles away in a different country. You should still talk to him and get some kind of understanding. I don't want you to leave here without some kind of closure." You smiled, throwing your arms around him, kissing his cheek, "awww, thank you big brother, you love me, you really love me." "Yeah, yeah," he shrugged, pretending to be annoyed, "you're a good girl, you deserve a good dude. We'll see if Jungkook is that dude."
"Ok, I'm going to go get this ick off of me," he started to walk out of your bedroom, "don't worry about it, ok? There's nothing wrong with you." "Thank you, brother! You're the best," you shouted out as you watched him walk downstairs.
--
He stared into your eyes, holding his forehead against yours, no words just feelings enveloping both of you. You felt like you were literally floating and you couldn't think of anything more important than being with him. But…what now? He must have sensed what you were thinking, so he kissed you again, then gripped onto your hand and led you back to your bed. You sat facing each other, knees touching, smiles a mile wide…kissing a few more times, before he addressed the situation, "I don't know what being together will look like, but, I know that I like you. I think I've liked you for longer than I've admitted and now, I feel so stupid." "Why?" You asked, thinking that it could be a number of things. He chuckled and rolled his eyes, "I…ah, I…should have kissed you sooner."
"Yeah, you should have, dummy," you teased, before you leaned forward and kissed him, holding his face between your hands, "so, why didn't you? And, why did you now?" He shrugged, closing his eyes, searching his brain for a reason that made sense, "I guess I was afraid. Our friendship is special. You're the only girl I've ever really gotten to know. You're my best friend. I just never let myself think of you as more than that…until, it's all I could think of. And now, here we are…with a time limit." "You're so sweet," you kissed him, "I like this Jungkook." He smiled, an obvious flush taking over his face, "I want to be with you…" "Like what, boyfriend and girlfriend?" You asked, the terms seemed so foreign, especially in conversation with Jungkook.
"Yeah, I think so," he admitted, "my favorite moments are with you. I am happiest when we are together. I'm terrified that our friendship could be impacted if somehow it goes bad…but, I would rather take the chance then you leave and wonder what if." "So, what are you saying…exactly," you wanted to make absolutely sure that you understood what was happening. He chuckled, holding his hand against your face, "will you be my girlfriend, Sweets?" "Sweets?" You blushed, gushing with how exponentially cuter he was. "Yeah, I think becoming a couple requires that you no longer go by first names, so…if you're my girl, you'll be Sweets," he looked down, suddenly embarrassed and shy, "is that ok?" "Oh my god," you kissed his cheek, "you are the most adorable boyfriend."
He smiled, hearing you call him 'boyfriend', "so then, we're doing this?" You nodded exaggeratingly, "yes, it's about damn time, we're absolutely doing this, Bae." He laughed, falling back on your bed, "no, sorry, I will not accept 'Bae', Sweets. You must pick something else." "Yeah, it didn't quite roll off the tongue as I'd hoped," you laid on top of his chest. He smiled and guided your lips back to his, "speaking of rolling off the tongue." You kissed, and kissed, and kissed…until he suddenly stopped. He jumped up, and you heard him say, 'oh fuck, goddamn, not again.' "What's wrong?" You looked at him confused, suddenly remembering that he'd done the same thing at his house.
"Nothing," he stated nervously, unsure what to do about the 'rising' issue. "Nothing? Really?" You tilted your head to the side, kneeling on your bed as you stared at him. "Well, something. But nothing with you, Sweets," he was mortified, but at the same time, you were you…and now that you were his, maybe he could tell you. "Babe, what's 'the something'?" You decided to try to get him to relax with a new name. He smiled and his body started to feel mushy, like his heart for you. He inched back over to you, kissing you, and nodding against your head, "I never thought I'd be a 'babe' guy, but…I'm for sure a babe guy." "Yeah," you smiled as you kissed him, "you like that, babe?" "Mmm hmm," he smiled even bigger, kissing you, then feeling his excitement again, "dammit!"
"Jesus Christ, Jungkook," you insisted on his attention, "I will seriously break up with you if you don't tell me what the fuck is up?" He couldn't help but laugh at your choice of words and instead of saying anything, he just pointed. "Oh, oh god," you fell back, burying your head in your pillow to look away in an extremely extra way, "do you need to, ah, go or like use the bathroom or…something?" You heard him laughing and you turned to him, confused, but you started to join in the laughter. "Sweets," he tried to talk, "there is nothing I can do about it here. You're kind of the reason it's happening." "What? What do you mean? What am I doing?" You were definitely not exactly sure what was happening. Did you understand 'wood', of course you did, you had an older brother. But, you'd never been in this position.
He giggled, approaching you again, laying next to you but facing away from you, "kissing you, umm, is really hot. You…are really hot. Thinking about all of the hotness, makes me…well, this happens." "Oh, ok, well…what am I supposed to do with this information?" You hid your face under your pillow, giggling as you felt his back against yours, internal dialogue constant…'damn, when have I not been completely in love with him?' "Nothing, just give me a second, Sweets," he took some deep breaths as a few minutes passed and then he turned around and spooned you. "I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed," he whispered outside of your ear. You turned to face him, running your fingers through his hair, "it's ok, I don't care. It's actually kinda hot." You had also felt aroused, clearly you felt wetness between your legs, and you bit down on your lower lip. "Oh god," he closed his eyes, "please don't do that. Fuck, I can't see you like that. Too hot, so fucking hot."
You giggled, "I wish I didn't love you all flustered like this. I just want to keep flirting with you." "Oh god," he shook his head, "I'll get better at controlling it. I think I've just had all these hidden feelings and thoughts and now…we're here and I'm so close to you. I just…I'll get better at control." "It's ok," you kissed him, "I'm seriously flattered, babe. I'll take it easy on you, until you're better at that." He smiled and pushed your hair back from your face and gushed, "I think this is the happiest moment of my life." You covered your mouth with your hand, clearly touched, "oh my god, Jungkook, you're the sweetest. I think it's mine too."
