begin
4: the someone else's
word count: 4,315
cw//angst, emotional, profanity, death, grief |
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"I'm so freaking anxious," you whispered to Jin as your family settled into the car service your mom had booked. "Me too," Jin confided, "but it's about the 'someone else's', we just have to focus on that." You nodded, feeling the burn of tears in your eyes, looking out the window on the way to the hotel. Everything looked familiar, but completely different…it didn't even feel like your home country anymore. You felt empty, sad, unsure of how you'd gotten to be so distant from the place you loved. You leaned on Jin's shoulder and he kissed the top of your head, whispering, "it's all going to be fine." "I know," you smiled up at him, but internally you were calling yourself out on your bullshit, 'he told you to call. You didn't call. You're the reason that it ended. He just…' You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut, as you tried to bury all the guilt back under the layers you'd worked so hard to bury it beneath.
"We're here," your mom, wearing dark sunglasses, covering her eyes which had not stopped tearing, turned back to you and Jin with a smile. Your heart warmed, feeling the comfort of her love, regardless of how she was feeling, she still put you and your brother first. You smiled back, placing your hand on her shoulder, wanting to let her know that you were there for her too. She sniffled, shaking her head, and spoke quietly, "I love you too, sweetheart." "Ok, my darlings, let's go check in," your dad pulled you from your moment, needing to focus on only the things to get done in order to keep it together for all of you. Carrying representative strength and togetherness for your entire family.
"You got us separate rooms?" You wrapped your arm around your mom's waist, "you didn't have to do that, but, thank you." She giggled, "I know both you and your brother have to keep up with work, so I wanted to make sure you both could work uninterruptedly." "You're the best, mom," Jin wrapped her in a tighter hug, smirking at you, as if he was winning the favorite child award for the day. You rolled your eyes and sighed, "thank God I don't have to listen to your incredibly boring work meetings." "What?" He chuckled, "I do important business, how dare you." You laughed and acknowledged your mom again, "thank you so much for thinking about that for us, mom." She smiled and handed you your room keys, "we're all on the same floor." "Sounds good," you took the key from her and looked at the room number written on it and asked Jin, "I'm in 1310, what about you?" He took a quick glance at the tiny envelope that held the key card and said, "1307. Shit what time is it at home?" "It's 7:30 in the morning, why? What time was your first meeting?" "8:00 am, I told them I might not make it, but I have time now," he smiled, looking relieved, as you rode the elevator to the 13th floor. You gave him a thumbs up and watched the numbers light up as each floor passed.
When the elevator door opened, Jin rushed down the hall to find his room. Your parents were in room 1306, which was the first room around the corner from the elevator. Jin's was across the hall from them, and your room was the first one around the corner from their hallway. "Wait, where are you?" Jin asked, regardless of how preoccupied he was, he wanted to make sure you were safe. "I'm literally the first door, right here," you pointed as he rounded the corner to check it out. "I don't like this, switch with me, then you're between me and them," he held his key out to you, while holding out his other hand to collect your key. "No way," you clutched your key tighter in your hand, "I'm always the closest to mom and dad. I'm fine, this hallway is more lighted than yours."
"I'm serious, don't be a pain," he gave you the 'older brother stare down', but you moved quickly and slid into your room, which you had already started to open. "Nope, I'm in. You better go get set up for your nauseatingly boring meeting or you're gonna be late. Bye Jinnie," you started to close the door, chuckling. "You are such a brat," he shook his head, "...and so damn stubborn. Fine, you keep it, but I'm going to be extra annoying with checking on you." You smiled, acknowledged his statement, and waved him along his way, "enjoy your meeting!" He shook his head, obviously amused, and ran off to get to remote work.
You closed the door behind you and leaned against it, taking a deep breath, trying to take in the reality of where you were. You locked the door behind you and walked over to the window, looking out over the city, your 'once upon a time'. You felt a bit nostalgic and immediately thought of so many things…from your collective memories of and with Jungkook. You walked over to the bed and fell back onto it, sighing, "this…is going to be hell." You looked at the clock on your phone, which was the first time you really noticed how late it was, "10:13 pm. Do I go to bed?" You shook your head and took a peek into the mini bar, "ahh, yes, a nice cold tiny bottle of wine, that's what I need."
You pulled it out and opened it, pouring some into the chubby clear glass that sat atop the bar. You took a nice, long, and exaggerated sip, "yup, that's it." After taking a few more sips, you switched into your nighttime routine and soon you were in your pajamas, under the covers with your always filled wine glass in one hand and the TV remote in the other. As you flipped through the channels, you found yourself sliding into a long tucked away memory bank, with the shows and advertisements that you remembered from your younger years. Suddenly, your eyes felt heavy with tears again as the reason for your visit popped back into your head. You'd been thinking non-stop about how things would go, but the most consistent of the thoughts were sadness for the loss of Joon and JK's dad…and realizing just how badly you missed Jungkook.
--
[You]: We landed
[You]: this place is balls
[JK]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: well just pretend their mine, Sweets
[You]: ummm, NO!
[You]: as much as I love you, thinking about your sack is not my usual go to
[JK]: and what is your usual go to?
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣 You wish you knew 🤐🤐🤐
[JK]: seriously? I'll tell you mine
[You]: ok, tell me and I'll consider telling you
[JK]; Last night 😍😍😍
[You]: last night?
[You]: We just made out like we always do
[JK]: yeah, but you let me…you know…
You laughed, knowing exactly what he was referring to, but dying to know how he would say it.
[You]: Hmmm, my memory is consistent with every night before last night. Making out in my bed or yours, or in your car, oh and that one night in the park…
[JK]: Sweets, really? You're gonna do me like this?
[You]: do you? Over the phone?
[JK]: you are such a brat
[JK]: fine, I'll say it, but I want to make it clear that part of my decision is based on the possibility that Jin or your parents see it
[You]: You. Bastard.
[You]: no worries, I'll just tell them that you've always been a perv
[JK]: so uncool, Sweets
[You]: I love you, Babe. I miss you so much, already 😭😭😭
[JK]: Oh my god, I miss the fuck out of you too, Sweets. I love you! But only a couple of months and it will be fall break, right?
[You]: ❤️ Can't wait!
[You]: ok, pervy, say it
[JK]: I'm in my room, alone, and my face is on fire…just thinking of the words 😳😳😳
[You]: maybe some motivation will help?
[JK]: WHAT??? Are you sending me a tit pic??? 🔥🔥🔥
[You]: damn, you turned so 'capital P' Perv, so quickly. I've been gone for like 20 hours. Dirty boyfriend, dirty.
[JK]: can't blame me for trying
[You]: fair, now say it!
[JK]: you let me get handsy, under your shirt, with your bra off. Damn, Sweets, your titties were so soft. I wish we would have had more time…or I wish I would have had more time…with them 😘
[You]: well, the hickies you gave me are so dark and sore…if we would have kept going, I fear you would have lost control and gave me one that I couldn't cover up
[JK]: probable 🤣
[JK]: so… true story…
[You]: you're hard
[JK]: 😳😳 noooo…
[JK]: …SO hard, I'm talking SOLID, Sweets. Damn, I can't believe I have to wait for weeks before I can really have you
[You]: stop, I'm getting so horny
[You]: maybe I should have just let you take my flower before I left
[JK]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: omg, you sound like my grandma
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: no, it's good that we waited. Just think of how amazing it's going to be when we see each other.
"Yes, I have everything," you called out to your family as you walked out of the terminal.
[You]: sorry, babe, we're piling into the cab. I'll text when we get "home" 🤢🤮😭
[JK]: it's gonna be awesome. I love you! Can't wait to see pictures of everything…
[JK]: and your room too 😋
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣
[You]: you're so cute, babe 🤫
[JK]: whoa whoa whoa
[JK]: what's that, what does that emoji mean.
[Jk]: are you gonna…send me…stuff??
[You]: my parents say hello
[You]: 🤣😂🤣😂
[JK]: And I'm no longer stiff
[You]: love you, call you later ❤️
[JK]: love you too, talk then ❤️
--
"Are you ready?" Jin called out from behind your hotel room door, simultaneously, knocking, "come on, it's time to go." You opened the door to let him in, "literally, just need 5 minutes." "I knew it!!" He shouted out as he picked up the empty wine bottle from the table, "I knew you would be popping those bottles open left and right. I can't believe you're going to make mom and dad pay for your 'the past sucks, I'm drinking until I forget' binge. "How dare you, sir," you pointed at him, "no, I am doing no such thing. I've charged it to room 1307." His mouth and eyes widened and he started laughing hard, "no way, did you really, that's so sneaky…absolutely diabolical."
You laughed, before shaking your head and rolling your eyes, "for your information, being the legit perfect child I am, I've started my own tab…which I am paying for, on my own. Thank you very much!" "Awww, my baby is growing up," he gushed, pulling you into an annoyingly tight hug, "who loves his little sister? Jin does, yes he does." You giggled, lovingly rolling your eyes, and wiggling free, "5 minutes." He sat down on the desk chair for a moment as he waited for you, gauging your reaction, "Are you 'ready' for this?" You walked out of the bathroom momentarily and placed your hand on his shoulder, before you shook your head, answering, "not even a little bit." He nodded in agreement, "same."
"Have you talked with Namjoon?" You asked as you put the finishing touches on your make-up. "Yes, just for a few minutes," Jin shook his head, his tone somber. "Has he crashed," you asked as you walked out of the bathroom, sliding the back onto the earring you were putting in. "Doesn't appear so," Jin stood up, seeing your 'I'm ready' stance, "though I fear he may when he sees me, which terrifies me and honestly breaks my heart. I'm honestly still in shock. This kinda feels like a really bad dream, right?" "Oh my god, yes, a fucking nightmare," you added, as he led the way out of your hotel room door, whispering one final thought on everything, "and actually, I'm so dreading seeing mom cry. It's the worst. It literally feels like my heart is tearing open." "Yeah," he nodded, keeping his voice low as you turned the corner and saw your parents waiting for you, "I can relate, except for me, it's like that with you, too."
Your hands automatically clasped on top of your heart, while your mouth dropped open and an 'awwww, I love you brother' gasp came out of your mouth. He rolled his eyes as if what you were saying was nonsense, but he held his arm out and you connected yours to it, leaning against him as you walked, "you're the best." He kissed the top of your head just as you joined your parents in the hallway. You hugged and greeted them, then your father slid into captaining the 'shit show' ship, "I didn't want us to be reliant on someone else, so I rented a car. I'll pick it up and meet you all in the front." "You don't have to do that on your own dad, we can come with you," you were feeling more and more paralyzed with the fear of how things would go, which made you one hundred percent reliant on being attached to your family. Jin quietly got your attention and shook his head, telling you without words, that your dad needed some alone time. Your mouth formed into an 'O' and you controlled your fear, listening as Jin made everything good again, "don't worry, I'll get them there father."
"Thank you, Son," your father stepped out of the elevator on the mezzanine level, without looking back, your stomach turned and your heart broke, realizing just how hard this was for all of you. Your dad and Jungkook's dad were best friends, they still talked at least once a month, completely kept in touch. You felt helpless, thinking about how your dad must be feeling, which made you think about reaching out to Jungkook. The wine that you'd consumed only temporarily numbed the pain you were feeling when it came to him…and you. You quietly sighed, trying to get out of your self-important thoughts and face the reality of the situation…it was going to be all kinds of terrible. Jin's words ran through your head, serving you some comfort and a needed slap to the face, 'it's about the someone else's', and you inhaled acceptance and exhaled control. You were in a place where you had no control over anything, it was uncomfortable, but you had to accept it all so that you could be the best kind of support for your family, Namjoon, his mom, and your Jungkook…selfless support. With that in mind and as you awaited the arrival of your father you decided to send Jungkook a text, needing him to know that he was on your mind.
[You]: Hey. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and to remind you that if there is anything you need, anything at all…just let me know.
[You]: I'm here for you
Jungkook, who'd spent most of the night crying, and the entire morning respectfully following Namjoon's orders, felt comfort as he caught the notification that you'd sent him a message. Through the heavy grief he was dealing with, he longed to have that time back with you. To live your month together all over again. To love, like no one else existed…the way he loved you, the only way he knew how. He opened the message and felt like he might have a melt down, right then and there.
His heart, all these years later, still hadn't accepted that you'd 'not worked out', because somehow he knew it was always just 'yet to come'. He remained open and ready to pick up where you'd left off, the month before you moved, that time that would always be the happiest of his life. It was actually something that he'd been remembering as he reminisced about the talks he had with his dad. Just thinking about it made his eyes overflow with pent up tears that he'd been trying to store until he was able to grieve alone. He chuckled, closing his eyes to remember the conversation they had in the very spot he was standing.
--
"Son," Jungkook's dad put a comforting, but heavy hand on his shoulder, "it doesn't matter if you check for messages every minute that passes by, if there's not a message, there's not a message." Jungkook had been staring at his phone, refreshing it, checking texts and socials all day, waiting for you to text or call. "I know, dad," Jungkook shrugged, knowing how hyper focused he was on you, "it's just the damn time zones, it's so hard for us to find a good time to talk." "Well," his dad's heart panged for his youngest son, seeing how in love with you he was, "you know it couldn't hurt for you to send her a message that you're thinking about her, missing her."
Jungkook raised his shoulders up, starting to shrug, but all of a sudden he was hit with a dose of motivation. Feeling encouraged he decided to call, leaving you a voicemail to share how he was feeling, what he was thinking, how much he missed and loved you. He was hopeful that maybe you'd do the same thing and he'd be able to hear your voice again, he missed your laugh the most.
--
He nodded as he typed a message of thanks back to you, keeping it short, fearing that if he told you everything his heart was telling him…he might freak you out and he was too emotionally unstable to deal with that. For now, simple.
[JK]: thank you, Sweets. I look forward to seeing you.
'Oh my god,' you thought as you read his message over and over again, 'it's like we were never apart. My heart feels like it did in those nights with him…' "You doing ok?" Jin asked, purposely bumping into you to distract you, "you've got a pretty intense look on your face." You smiled, closing your phone, and nodded, "yup, totally fine. Not at all thinking about every single regret I've ever had in my numerous years on this miserable earth." He burst out laughing, he couldn't help it, but he quickly corrected his reaction with the look of shock your mom had sent his way. "I'm sorry, sorry," he bowed apologetically, before returning his attention to you and your proclamation, quietly giggling, "well, I'm so glad it's nothing too pressing." You giggled with him and reassured him, "I'll be fine, big brother. Thank you for caring." "Are you kidding, it is my actual job as your older brother…like I have no choice but to take care of you, always," he spoke as if he was serious, like taking care of you, which was like his super-power, was some kind of chore. You pushed him and smiled, hugging him, and whispering to him, "I love you too." A few moments later, your dad pulled up to collect you all and you were on your way to the past.
-
"I'm so nervous," you admitted as you walked as slow as possible through the walkway up to Jungkook's house, staying as close to Jin as possible, "my stomach is swirling." He looked at you, a gentle smile on his face, speaking quietly, "'the someone else's'." You nodded in acceptance and agreement, as you took a deep breath, releasing it slowly when Namjoon opened the door. He grinned, his shoulders were broad, but seemed to be carrying so much weight…already. "It's so wonderful to see you all. Thank you for being here," he shook your dad's hand, hugged your mom, then you, then collapsed slightly into Jin's embrace. You were instantly overcome with tears. You worked really hard to get it together before you saw him…but, it wasn't enough time, it would probably never be.
The moment your eyes connected with his, everything was over, reset, as if the past 10 years hadn't happened. He didn't say anything, he just held onto you, securing you against his chest with his arms around your shoulders. 'Oh my god, this is where I belong, in his arms', you thought as he held onto you. Instantly your connection was reaffirmed, without words, just instant confidence in knowing that he would always be yours and you would always be his. The conversations around your embrace, seemed to be placed on mute, you felt like it was only you and him with the world around you pausing in place. "Finally", he whispered outside of your ear, "I missed you so much, Sweets." "Me too," was all you could muster, overwhelmed with the simplicity with which you loved him. The way you felt with him against you, it was the most perfect feeling that you'd ever experienced, and here in this moment it was exactly as it had been.
He finally released you from his hold, but he wasted no time holding your hand, smiling at you as he held it up to his lips to place a sweet peck against your skin. You hugged his mom and extended your condolences, while he kept hold of your hand, as if you would fly away if he let go of you. You were comfortable, but uncomfortably so, your mind raced with thoughts of being undeserving of what you presumed was full forgiveness for leaving him and failing to look back. But, at the moment, that wasn't important, what was important was everything else.
You had one more moment with Jungkook, just looking into each other's eyes, both of you in disbelief that it was indeed the other in front of them. He smiled, before he nodded slightly, letting you know it was time for the 'everything else'. He reluctantly let your hand go and you transitioned into the background with your family.
You couldn't remember a time where you were ever more sad. Watching Namjoon holding it together, speaking about their father, Jungkook nodded along allowing Joon to do what was expected of him. He held onto his mom as Namjoon spoke and you cried as you watched tears start to stream down his cheeks. You closed your eyes in an attempt to send him a hug, comfort, warmth. Your heart skipped a beat when you opened your eyes and he was looking right at you, closing his eyes, as he seemed to be catching what you were sending. You smiled, thinking about your connection and if it was still as strong as it was. You decided that you would allow yourself to believe it was and you quietly processed through the rest of the heartbreak.
–
After things had settled and after everyone paid their respects, you felt Jungkook's hand on your arm. "Would it be ok to talk with you, alone?" He whispered to you between the conversations taking place around you. You nodded, smiling, whispering in affirmation, "absolutely."
When you walked into his old room, you were actually surprised at how little it had changed since the last time you'd seen it. Before you could really take it in though, he spun you around and placed his kiss against your lips, "I missed you so much, god I love you so much. I knew we'd be together again." You were taken by complete surprise. Had you hoped that you'd get to feel his lips against yours again? Of course, but not like this, not so quickly. Not with nothing explained or apologies given, it was too much to handle and you pulled away from him, asking, "what's happening?"
--
"Hi Sweets, it's me, your long-distance boyfriend. I know that it's been harder for us to talk with the time zones and your schedule. But I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you," sweet, soft giggle, "well, I'm always thinking of you and I miss you. I know that you aren't going to be able to make it for break, it's ok. If you think I'm upset or something, don't even worry about it, ok. I know you and I know how relentless your guilt can be, so I'm telling you, my Sweets, I love you. I miss you. I still want you. Call me, k? I miss your voice. Damn, I love you. I don't know what else to say, just…I love you. And I'm here and I miss you. Call me."
You'd forgotten how many times you listened to his message. Every time you tried to call you just couldn't think of how to apologize, how to tell him that you were adjusting well, that your new life was fun and exciting. That you were making friends. That…though you were always thinking of him, you weren't thinking about Korea as much. You loved him, with your entire heart, with your full soul, with everything you were. But, you felt so much guilt, that you were letting him down. That you were making him sad, a total disappointment to what you'd promised each other. He kept his part of the promise, but ever since you'd told him about staying in America for the fall break…you couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of knowing you were hurting him. As much as you tried not to, as much as it was the last thing you ever wanted to do. You knew now, what it meant when they said, 'when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.' It was just too hard. So, you did the only thing you could do, avoided dealing with it…until time continued to pass and pass and pass.
"We're here," your mom, wearing dark sunglasses, covering her eyes which had not stopped tearing, turned back to you and Jin with a smile. Your heart warmed, feeling the comfort of her love, regardless of how she was feeling, she still put you and your brother first. You smiled back, placing your hand on her shoulder, wanting to let her know that you were there for her too. She sniffled, shaking her head, and spoke quietly, "I love you too, sweetheart." "Ok, my darlings, let's go check in," your dad pulled you from your moment, needing to focus on only the things to get done in order to keep it together for all of you. Carrying representative strength and togetherness for your entire family.
"You got us separate rooms?" You wrapped your arm around your mom's waist, "you didn't have to do that, but, thank you." She giggled, "I know both you and your brother have to keep up with work, so I wanted to make sure you both could work uninterruptedly." "You're the best, mom," Jin wrapped her in a tighter hug, smirking at you, as if he was winning the favorite child award for the day. You rolled your eyes and sighed, "thank God I don't have to listen to your incredibly boring work meetings." "What?" He chuckled, "I do important business, how dare you." You laughed and acknowledged your mom again, "thank you so much for thinking about that for us, mom." She smiled and handed you your room keys, "we're all on the same floor." "Sounds good," you took the key from her and looked at the room number written on it and asked Jin, "I'm in 1310, what about you?" He took a quick glance at the tiny envelope that held the key card and said, "1307. Shit what time is it at home?" "It's 7:30 in the morning, why? What time was your first meeting?" "8:00 am, I told them I might not make it, but I have time now," he smiled, looking relieved, as you rode the elevator to the 13th floor. You gave him a thumbs up and watched the numbers light up as each floor passed.
When the elevator door opened, Jin rushed down the hall to find his room. Your parents were in room 1306, which was the first room around the corner from the elevator. Jin's was across the hall from them, and your room was the first one around the corner from their hallway. "Wait, where are you?" Jin asked, regardless of how preoccupied he was, he wanted to make sure you were safe. "I'm literally the first door, right here," you pointed as he rounded the corner to check it out. "I don't like this, switch with me, then you're between me and them," he held his key out to you, while holding out his other hand to collect your key. "No way," you clutched your key tighter in your hand, "I'm always the closest to mom and dad. I'm fine, this hallway is more lighted than yours."
"I'm serious, don't be a pain," he gave you the 'older brother stare down', but you moved quickly and slid into your room, which you had already started to open. "Nope, I'm in. You better go get set up for your nauseatingly boring meeting or you're gonna be late. Bye Jinnie," you started to close the door, chuckling. "You are such a brat," he shook his head, "...and so damn stubborn. Fine, you keep it, but I'm going to be extra annoying with checking on you." You smiled, acknowledged his statement, and waved him along his way, "enjoy your meeting!" He shook his head, obviously amused, and ran off to get to remote work.
You closed the door behind you and leaned against it, taking a deep breath, trying to take in the reality of where you were. You locked the door behind you and walked over to the window, looking out over the city, your 'once upon a time'. You felt a bit nostalgic and immediately thought of so many things…from your collective memories of and with Jungkook. You walked over to the bed and fell back onto it, sighing, "this…is going to be hell." You looked at the clock on your phone, which was the first time you really noticed how late it was, "10:13 pm. Do I go to bed?" You shook your head and took a peek into the mini bar, "ahh, yes, a nice cold tiny bottle of wine, that's what I need."
You pulled it out and opened it, pouring some into the chubby clear glass that sat atop the bar. You took a nice, long, and exaggerated sip, "yup, that's it." After taking a few more sips, you switched into your nighttime routine and soon you were in your pajamas, under the covers with your always filled wine glass in one hand and the TV remote in the other. As you flipped through the channels, you found yourself sliding into a long tucked away memory bank, with the shows and advertisements that you remembered from your younger years. Suddenly, your eyes felt heavy with tears again as the reason for your visit popped back into your head. You'd been thinking non-stop about how things would go, but the most consistent of the thoughts were sadness for the loss of Joon and JK's dad…and realizing just how badly you missed Jungkook.
--
[You]: We landed
[You]: this place is balls
[JK]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: well just pretend their mine, Sweets
[You]: ummm, NO!
[You]: as much as I love you, thinking about your sack is not my usual go to
[JK]: and what is your usual go to?
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣 You wish you knew 🤐🤐🤐
[JK]: seriously? I'll tell you mine
[You]: ok, tell me and I'll consider telling you
[JK]; Last night 😍😍😍
[You]: last night?
[You]: We just made out like we always do
[JK]: yeah, but you let me…you know…
You laughed, knowing exactly what he was referring to, but dying to know how he would say it.
[You]: Hmmm, my memory is consistent with every night before last night. Making out in my bed or yours, or in your car, oh and that one night in the park…
[JK]: Sweets, really? You're gonna do me like this?
[You]: do you? Over the phone?
[JK]: you are such a brat
[JK]: fine, I'll say it, but I want to make it clear that part of my decision is based on the possibility that Jin or your parents see it
[You]: You. Bastard.
[You]: no worries, I'll just tell them that you've always been a perv
[JK]: so uncool, Sweets
[You]: I love you, Babe. I miss you so much, already 😭😭😭
[JK]: Oh my god, I miss the fuck out of you too, Sweets. I love you! But only a couple of months and it will be fall break, right?
[You]: ❤️ Can't wait!
[You]: ok, pervy, say it
[JK]: I'm in my room, alone, and my face is on fire…just thinking of the words 😳😳😳
[You]: maybe some motivation will help?
[JK]: WHAT??? Are you sending me a tit pic??? 🔥🔥🔥
[You]: damn, you turned so 'capital P' Perv, so quickly. I've been gone for like 20 hours. Dirty boyfriend, dirty.
[JK]: can't blame me for trying
[You]: fair, now say it!
[JK]: you let me get handsy, under your shirt, with your bra off. Damn, Sweets, your titties were so soft. I wish we would have had more time…or I wish I would have had more time…with them 😘
[You]: well, the hickies you gave me are so dark and sore…if we would have kept going, I fear you would have lost control and gave me one that I couldn't cover up
[JK]: probable 🤣
[JK]: so… true story…
[You]: you're hard
[JK]: 😳😳 noooo…
[JK]: …SO hard, I'm talking SOLID, Sweets. Damn, I can't believe I have to wait for weeks before I can really have you
[You]: stop, I'm getting so horny
[You]: maybe I should have just let you take my flower before I left
[JK]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: omg, you sound like my grandma
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣
[JK]: no, it's good that we waited. Just think of how amazing it's going to be when we see each other.
"Yes, I have everything," you called out to your family as you walked out of the terminal.
[You]: sorry, babe, we're piling into the cab. I'll text when we get "home" 🤢🤮😭
[JK]: it's gonna be awesome. I love you! Can't wait to see pictures of everything…
[JK]: and your room too 😋
[You]: 🤣🤣🤣
[You]: you're so cute, babe 🤫
[JK]: whoa whoa whoa
[JK]: what's that, what does that emoji mean.
[Jk]: are you gonna…send me…stuff??
[You]: my parents say hello
[You]: 🤣😂🤣😂
[JK]: And I'm no longer stiff
[You]: love you, call you later ❤️
[JK]: love you too, talk then ❤️
--
"Are you ready?" Jin called out from behind your hotel room door, simultaneously, knocking, "come on, it's time to go." You opened the door to let him in, "literally, just need 5 minutes." "I knew it!!" He shouted out as he picked up the empty wine bottle from the table, "I knew you would be popping those bottles open left and right. I can't believe you're going to make mom and dad pay for your 'the past sucks, I'm drinking until I forget' binge. "How dare you, sir," you pointed at him, "no, I am doing no such thing. I've charged it to room 1307." His mouth and eyes widened and he started laughing hard, "no way, did you really, that's so sneaky…absolutely diabolical."
You laughed, before shaking your head and rolling your eyes, "for your information, being the legit perfect child I am, I've started my own tab…which I am paying for, on my own. Thank you very much!" "Awww, my baby is growing up," he gushed, pulling you into an annoyingly tight hug, "who loves his little sister? Jin does, yes he does." You giggled, lovingly rolling your eyes, and wiggling free, "5 minutes." He sat down on the desk chair for a moment as he waited for you, gauging your reaction, "Are you 'ready' for this?" You walked out of the bathroom momentarily and placed your hand on his shoulder, before you shook your head, answering, "not even a little bit." He nodded in agreement, "same."
"Have you talked with Namjoon?" You asked as you put the finishing touches on your make-up. "Yes, just for a few minutes," Jin shook his head, his tone somber. "Has he crashed," you asked as you walked out of the bathroom, sliding the back onto the earring you were putting in. "Doesn't appear so," Jin stood up, seeing your 'I'm ready' stance, "though I fear he may when he sees me, which terrifies me and honestly breaks my heart. I'm honestly still in shock. This kinda feels like a really bad dream, right?" "Oh my god, yes, a fucking nightmare," you added, as he led the way out of your hotel room door, whispering one final thought on everything, "and actually, I'm so dreading seeing mom cry. It's the worst. It literally feels like my heart is tearing open." "Yeah," he nodded, keeping his voice low as you turned the corner and saw your parents waiting for you, "I can relate, except for me, it's like that with you, too."
Your hands automatically clasped on top of your heart, while your mouth dropped open and an 'awwww, I love you brother' gasp came out of your mouth. He rolled his eyes as if what you were saying was nonsense, but he held his arm out and you connected yours to it, leaning against him as you walked, "you're the best." He kissed the top of your head just as you joined your parents in the hallway. You hugged and greeted them, then your father slid into captaining the 'shit show' ship, "I didn't want us to be reliant on someone else, so I rented a car. I'll pick it up and meet you all in the front." "You don't have to do that on your own dad, we can come with you," you were feeling more and more paralyzed with the fear of how things would go, which made you one hundred percent reliant on being attached to your family. Jin quietly got your attention and shook his head, telling you without words, that your dad needed some alone time. Your mouth formed into an 'O' and you controlled your fear, listening as Jin made everything good again, "don't worry, I'll get them there father."
"Thank you, Son," your father stepped out of the elevator on the mezzanine level, without looking back, your stomach turned and your heart broke, realizing just how hard this was for all of you. Your dad and Jungkook's dad were best friends, they still talked at least once a month, completely kept in touch. You felt helpless, thinking about how your dad must be feeling, which made you think about reaching out to Jungkook. The wine that you'd consumed only temporarily numbed the pain you were feeling when it came to him…and you. You quietly sighed, trying to get out of your self-important thoughts and face the reality of the situation…it was going to be all kinds of terrible. Jin's words ran through your head, serving you some comfort and a needed slap to the face, 'it's about the someone else's', and you inhaled acceptance and exhaled control. You were in a place where you had no control over anything, it was uncomfortable, but you had to accept it all so that you could be the best kind of support for your family, Namjoon, his mom, and your Jungkook…selfless support. With that in mind and as you awaited the arrival of your father you decided to send Jungkook a text, needing him to know that he was on your mind.
[You]: Hey. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and to remind you that if there is anything you need, anything at all…just let me know.
[You]: I'm here for you
Jungkook, who'd spent most of the night crying, and the entire morning respectfully following Namjoon's orders, felt comfort as he caught the notification that you'd sent him a message. Through the heavy grief he was dealing with, he longed to have that time back with you. To live your month together all over again. To love, like no one else existed…the way he loved you, the only way he knew how. He opened the message and felt like he might have a melt down, right then and there.
His heart, all these years later, still hadn't accepted that you'd 'not worked out', because somehow he knew it was always just 'yet to come'. He remained open and ready to pick up where you'd left off, the month before you moved, that time that would always be the happiest of his life. It was actually something that he'd been remembering as he reminisced about the talks he had with his dad. Just thinking about it made his eyes overflow with pent up tears that he'd been trying to store until he was able to grieve alone. He chuckled, closing his eyes to remember the conversation they had in the very spot he was standing.
--
"Son," Jungkook's dad put a comforting, but heavy hand on his shoulder, "it doesn't matter if you check for messages every minute that passes by, if there's not a message, there's not a message." Jungkook had been staring at his phone, refreshing it, checking texts and socials all day, waiting for you to text or call. "I know, dad," Jungkook shrugged, knowing how hyper focused he was on you, "it's just the damn time zones, it's so hard for us to find a good time to talk." "Well," his dad's heart panged for his youngest son, seeing how in love with you he was, "you know it couldn't hurt for you to send her a message that you're thinking about her, missing her."
Jungkook raised his shoulders up, starting to shrug, but all of a sudden he was hit with a dose of motivation. Feeling encouraged he decided to call, leaving you a voicemail to share how he was feeling, what he was thinking, how much he missed and loved you. He was hopeful that maybe you'd do the same thing and he'd be able to hear your voice again, he missed your laugh the most.
--
He nodded as he typed a message of thanks back to you, keeping it short, fearing that if he told you everything his heart was telling him…he might freak you out and he was too emotionally unstable to deal with that. For now, simple.
[JK]: thank you, Sweets. I look forward to seeing you.
'Oh my god,' you thought as you read his message over and over again, 'it's like we were never apart. My heart feels like it did in those nights with him…' "You doing ok?" Jin asked, purposely bumping into you to distract you, "you've got a pretty intense look on your face." You smiled, closing your phone, and nodded, "yup, totally fine. Not at all thinking about every single regret I've ever had in my numerous years on this miserable earth." He burst out laughing, he couldn't help it, but he quickly corrected his reaction with the look of shock your mom had sent his way. "I'm sorry, sorry," he bowed apologetically, before returning his attention to you and your proclamation, quietly giggling, "well, I'm so glad it's nothing too pressing." You giggled with him and reassured him, "I'll be fine, big brother. Thank you for caring." "Are you kidding, it is my actual job as your older brother…like I have no choice but to take care of you, always," he spoke as if he was serious, like taking care of you, which was like his super-power, was some kind of chore. You pushed him and smiled, hugging him, and whispering to him, "I love you too." A few moments later, your dad pulled up to collect you all and you were on your way to the past.
-
"I'm so nervous," you admitted as you walked as slow as possible through the walkway up to Jungkook's house, staying as close to Jin as possible, "my stomach is swirling." He looked at you, a gentle smile on his face, speaking quietly, "'the someone else's'." You nodded in acceptance and agreement, as you took a deep breath, releasing it slowly when Namjoon opened the door. He grinned, his shoulders were broad, but seemed to be carrying so much weight…already. "It's so wonderful to see you all. Thank you for being here," he shook your dad's hand, hugged your mom, then you, then collapsed slightly into Jin's embrace. You were instantly overcome with tears. You worked really hard to get it together before you saw him…but, it wasn't enough time, it would probably never be.
The moment your eyes connected with his, everything was over, reset, as if the past 10 years hadn't happened. He didn't say anything, he just held onto you, securing you against his chest with his arms around your shoulders. 'Oh my god, this is where I belong, in his arms', you thought as he held onto you. Instantly your connection was reaffirmed, without words, just instant confidence in knowing that he would always be yours and you would always be his. The conversations around your embrace, seemed to be placed on mute, you felt like it was only you and him with the world around you pausing in place. "Finally", he whispered outside of your ear, "I missed you so much, Sweets." "Me too," was all you could muster, overwhelmed with the simplicity with which you loved him. The way you felt with him against you, it was the most perfect feeling that you'd ever experienced, and here in this moment it was exactly as it had been.
He finally released you from his hold, but he wasted no time holding your hand, smiling at you as he held it up to his lips to place a sweet peck against your skin. You hugged his mom and extended your condolences, while he kept hold of your hand, as if you would fly away if he let go of you. You were comfortable, but uncomfortably so, your mind raced with thoughts of being undeserving of what you presumed was full forgiveness for leaving him and failing to look back. But, at the moment, that wasn't important, what was important was everything else.
You had one more moment with Jungkook, just looking into each other's eyes, both of you in disbelief that it was indeed the other in front of them. He smiled, before he nodded slightly, letting you know it was time for the 'everything else'. He reluctantly let your hand go and you transitioned into the background with your family.
You couldn't remember a time where you were ever more sad. Watching Namjoon holding it together, speaking about their father, Jungkook nodded along allowing Joon to do what was expected of him. He held onto his mom as Namjoon spoke and you cried as you watched tears start to stream down his cheeks. You closed your eyes in an attempt to send him a hug, comfort, warmth. Your heart skipped a beat when you opened your eyes and he was looking right at you, closing his eyes, as he seemed to be catching what you were sending. You smiled, thinking about your connection and if it was still as strong as it was. You decided that you would allow yourself to believe it was and you quietly processed through the rest of the heartbreak.
–
After things had settled and after everyone paid their respects, you felt Jungkook's hand on your arm. "Would it be ok to talk with you, alone?" He whispered to you between the conversations taking place around you. You nodded, smiling, whispering in affirmation, "absolutely."
When you walked into his old room, you were actually surprised at how little it had changed since the last time you'd seen it. Before you could really take it in though, he spun you around and placed his kiss against your lips, "I missed you so much, god I love you so much. I knew we'd be together again." You were taken by complete surprise. Had you hoped that you'd get to feel his lips against yours again? Of course, but not like this, not so quickly. Not with nothing explained or apologies given, it was too much to handle and you pulled away from him, asking, "what's happening?"
--
"Hi Sweets, it's me, your long-distance boyfriend. I know that it's been harder for us to talk with the time zones and your schedule. But I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you," sweet, soft giggle, "well, I'm always thinking of you and I miss you. I know that you aren't going to be able to make it for break, it's ok. If you think I'm upset or something, don't even worry about it, ok. I know you and I know how relentless your guilt can be, so I'm telling you, my Sweets, I love you. I miss you. I still want you. Call me, k? I miss your voice. Damn, I love you. I don't know what else to say, just…I love you. And I'm here and I miss you. Call me."
You'd forgotten how many times you listened to his message. Every time you tried to call you just couldn't think of how to apologize, how to tell him that you were adjusting well, that your new life was fun and exciting. That you were making friends. That…though you were always thinking of him, you weren't thinking about Korea as much. You loved him, with your entire heart, with your full soul, with everything you were. But, you felt so much guilt, that you were letting him down. That you were making him sad, a total disappointment to what you'd promised each other. He kept his part of the promise, but ever since you'd told him about staying in America for the fall break…you couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of knowing you were hurting him. As much as you tried not to, as much as it was the last thing you ever wanted to do. You knew now, what it meant when they said, 'when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.' It was just too hard. So, you did the only thing you could do, avoided dealing with it…until time continued to pass and pass and pass.
