Part 4
guilt
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The car ride home was...uncomfortable, and that was stating it nicely. You looked over at Jimin, but he was just looking forward, as if you weren’t even there...which was essentially what he was doing since the moment his ex popped into the picture. You were, unfairly so, pissed at Namjoon...but it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his doing that Jimin, your boyfriend, was not talking to you...but it was easier to process it, if you were mad at Namjoon.
“Hey, I know you don’t want to talk about it...if you want to drop me off at my apartment, that’s totally ok,” you tried to sound ok, tried to let him off the hook, but it was hard...you felt, something new, something you hadn’t ever felt before. Your internal dialogue was stuck on what it was as well. As if the emotion characters in Inside Out were talking over your own sensibilities. “Why?” he stated, his head turning to you quickly, the first time he spoke to you since the bar. “I just...it seems like you want or maybe...need...time alone,” you stammered. The look in his eyes wasn't so much a turn on at the moment, his eyes were hooded, darkened exactly how they were when he was in control, but this look felt...gross. “My ‘extra’ shit too much for you babygirl?” he asked, immediately you felt tears well. It wasn’t that he asked the question, it was the way he asked the question, like he expected you to walk away.
“I don’t even know what your extra shit is Jimin, how can it be too much?” you stated, pissed and annoyed. Your thoughts raced, what the fuck bro I’m here...I’m asking, what I can do. “Yeah,” he took a quick glance at you and then attached his gaze back to the road, “it will be.” “Well, tell me, and let me decide...trust me,” you pleaded. He laughed, full body, quickly had to refocus on driving because he so rapidly allowed the laughter to completely take over his sense of being. You were so stunned by his reaction that you just stared at him, unable to comprehend, unable to process...unable to move. He gathered himself together and looked at you, his face finally softening, “I’m so sorry babygirl.” He giggled, his disposition was sinister, but if there was a positive way to read the word...that was it. “Yeah,” you murmured and shifted your focus to looking out of the window.
“Fuck! I really wish we would have been able to at least drink something...maybe I could deal with this mind-fuck of a moment,” you could hear little traces of the man you loved mixed in with what seemed like a traumatized, at least a little bit, man. “You should take me home,” you stated, no longer able to tolerate the discomfort, unknowing, the overwhelming feeling of ‘ick’. “I don’t want to, babygirl,” he giggled, slightly nudging your cheek trying to get his playful girlfriend back, but he was too late, she had flown out of the car when his uncontrollable laughter took her place.
“Sorry, babyboy, you don’t have a choice,” you stated, more sarcastically then intended. “Oh wow, that’s a new voice. I don’t think I like it,” he responded, a look of disdain on his face. “Well I guess it’s getting harder for me to hide how pissed I am,” you stated, crossing your arms, refocusing on counting the street lights that you passed. Without any warning, he quickly swerved off the road, immediately staring in your eyes. “Jimin, what the fuck?” now you weren’t sure what was happening. “Don’t be like that. I’m sorry...all of this,” he pointed to himself, moving his finger up and down over his body, “this isn’t you, right now, ok. I’m sorry...this is so much stupid shit. Don’t make me take you home. Come home with me...you are the best distraction, please.” His eyes were set in a pleading look that made your heart burst. How can I leave him, you thought to yourself.
You released a puff of air, reminding him that you were indeed pissed, no matter how much ‘sexy’ was dripping off of his body. “Come on babygirl,” he whispered, running his hand over your hair, just the touch of his hand made your pussy clench. You knew if he pulled your hair and sucked on your neck it would be over. Your dirty thoughts began to run through your mind as if they were a scrolling banner...Angry sex, hard and rough, I bet its so good. I bet he makes me cum so hard. Damn I can smell him. Fuck I need him so bad, why am I always horny with him. He has all the control. I just want him to touch me, finger me right now, JIMIN…”finger me!” Without missing a beat, he placed the car fully in park and reached under your skirt. You shifted your body down, spreading your legs, you watched as his lips formed into that smirk...the smirk that could make you do anything, willingly.
There were no words, just looks...sex, pure hot lust, it spread all over you like a new floral lotion. He stared at you, watching every small twitch of your eyelids, every shape that your lips created, the differing angles of your neck. His fingers pushed in, finger fucking you, the sound of his fingers pumping into your wet pussy just added to the sex in the air. You caught a glimpse of the windows, fog began to set in...you were no longer able to see out of them. The only thing you could see was that dark look in his eyes, which was both the hottest thing you had ever seen and the most unsettling. You moaned softly, but he quickly covered your mouth...keeping his hand there as he shifted more to really pound into you. The feel of his hand over your mouth, the look in his eye, and now his focus on rubbing against your clit...your body was in overdrive. You didn’t know what the fuck was happening, all you knew was that his magical fingers were ripping pleasure into your drenched cunt, and all you could do was let go. And you did. You screamed his name over and over into his hand, your body writhed in the pleasure, your hands pushed against the window and his thigh.
He let you fall a bit, then would rub a little more, bringing you quickly back up to your peak. It was too much, but not enough. You were starving for his attention, you needed all of him. After peaking again you reached for him, twisting the soft fabric of his shirt into your hands. You pulled him over to you, knocking his hand away from your mouth long enough for you to beg, “fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!” His smirk returned, and with it his full confidence as if your need for him was a reminder that he had you, and Namjoon did not. He pulled free from your hold and said two words that would make your dreams wet, “get out.” You didn’t think, you just obeyed. Before you were all the way out, he was already meeting you outside of the passenger side door. “You want my dick, right here right now?” he asked, the depths from which his growl pulled from made you whimper in response. “Yes...sir,” the words fell out and the moment they hit his ear, he was ripping your panties from your body, stuffing them in his pocket before he unzipped his pants. He pulled out his cock, rock hard...ready to fuck you into oblivion.
Without words, he put his hand partially in your hair and partially spread over the diagonal of your neck. He pulled you into a hard kiss before he pushed you from the passenger side door, to the passenger side of the hood. His sharp and aggressive movements, lifting your skirt and leaving it gathered around your waist. The air around you making you feel even more exposed than you already were. He hovered over your neck, as if a lion taking in the scent of his kill before he took his first bite. He snarled, the sexy scrunch of his face showing the full breadth of his desire for you. Before you realized, he had you flipped over, his hand on your back pushing your body down over the hood. “FUCK!” you yelled out, his cock immediately slamming into your pussy, hard and fast didn’t do the way he was fucking you justice...no it wasn’t hard and fast. No, this fuck was other worldly. The sound of the cars rushing by, the lights that came and went, as he pumped in and out of you. In and out, in and out...holding onto your waist for leverage, his thrusts met only in force by how he was pulling your waist to meet them. Your screams of his name, of every curse word you knew, of every dirty nasty filthy explanation of the unadulterated bliss...were loud, immense, but heard by no one. Not even Jimin, the sounds of the traffic flowing by muffled your sounds, just like Jimin’s hand. His pace quickened, your mind officially blown, you sat back and enjoyed the seminar on how to FUCK...because he was not fucking you he was FUCKING YOU. Then, he hit deep, stayed still and used your hair to pull you up to him. Saying nothing, but sucking brand new marks into your neck and shoulder, as he softened.
He turned you around and pulled your skirt back down, then led you back into the passenger side of his car, kissing your lips before he closed the door. The few seconds that it took for him to round the back of his car were filled by you losing your mind, scrunching your hands into your hair, then moving them down to pat your obviously reddened cheeks. Your internal thoughts were simple, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK… “You still want to go home babygirl?” he asked, his smirk telling you that he knew...he knew that he was now your compass. Wherever he pointed, you followed happily along, he was the one who indicated north...and that was it. No tapping out. No white flag raised. It just was...him.
--
After another long night of what seemed like endless sex, you realized that you didn’t even remember the last time you checked your phone or ate or showered...you chuckled quietly, looking at Jimin’s spent body sprawled across his bed. His plump naked ass slipping out from under the sheets, his tattoo reminding you that it was indeed your boyfriend, you wanted to run your hand over his soft skin...but he needed to rest and fuck so did you. You moved as quietly as possible to his living room, one of his shirts pulled over you, bare bottomed since it seemed like he had torn through every pair of underwear you had at his house. You made a quick note in your phone to remember to buy more and bring more, then you moved into checking your email, text messages…
What the fuck, Namjoon?
[Namjoon]: So did he tell you about her…
[Namjoon]: I was surprised at how quick he left actually
[Namjoon]: but the look on his face...priceless…
[Namjoon]: oh and just so you know
[Namjoon]: I knew who you were when I met you
[Namjoon]: you know that he knew that right
[Namjoon]: at that moment, he knew that the only girl he actually cared about...was with me
[Namjoon]: you honestly can’t write this shit
You were in a state of shock. In all the interactions you had had with Namjoon, there was never any indication that he had even a shred of contempt towards anyone. So he knew that I was Jimin’s fuck buddy? What? You were lost.
[You]: you knew that I was Jimin’s hookup?
You considered waking Jimin up to talk about it, but considering the night you had just had with him, you decided it would be better to deal with it on your own...for now.
[Namjoon]: well hello, I guess text is really the only way you communicate huh
[Namjoon]: so did he tell you about her
[Namjoon]: wait, wait, don’t tell me…
[Namjoon]: nope
Your heart hurt. Who was this person on the other end of these words?
[You]: Are you being mean to him because of me?
[You]: I know it was fucked the way I ended it
[You]: I’m a big girl, I can accept that...but what is all this with Jimin
[Namjoon]: Why don’t you go wake up your fuckboy and ask him about my girlfriend
[Namjoon]: I’m positive he isn’t reading this with you
[Namjoon]: because you would have stopped texting me
[Namjoon]: also, yes...WE ALL FUCKING KNEW
[Namjoon]: he was so pathetic...fucking fool, he never learns
[Namjoon]: anyway...text me back when you know the whole story
[Namjoon]: fuck, who knows...maybe you’ll thank me
[Namjoon]: and thank you for showing me who you were earlier than I needed to show you who I was
You dropped your phone. You wanted to cry or at least you thought that maybe that's what you should be doing, but you felt numb. You just sat there, staring at Jimin’s tv...darkened, off. It reminded you of yourself.
“Babygirl? Where are you and that sexy ass of yours?” you heard Jimin call out from the bedroom. You paused momentarily, then called out, “be right there, baby.” You opened your texts and selected Namjoon’s texts and your conversation and clicked on the three dots to delete, but…
--
“Babygirl?” Jimin asked, his voice sounded impatient and close. After the middle of the night fuck sessions you felt like you had just completed, your body would not allow you to do anything but sleep. But after, Jimin was hyped and on his way to make pancakes. Now, he was sitting next to you and from what you could make of the situation, he was pissed...again. You turned over and looked up at him, “good morning sexy.” You smiled only to see a grimace back at you, as if you had called his mother a whore or something, “nope, not a good morning, babygirl...when were you gonna tell me about these texts?” Your eyes widened at the site of Jimin holding open your phone and scrolling through your texts. “What the fuck, Jimin...give it to me,” you sat up and reached for it. Before you could grab it he stood up and started reading Namjoon’s texts from the night before. “Seriously, when?” he asked, as if he was doing nothing wrong.
You shook your head and got out of bed, heading straight into the bathroom. While there you cleaned yourself up, the sound of his knocking on the door like bright sunshine to a migraine, “you can look through my phone too if you want. I thought I could trust you, but something told me that maybe I should check and sure enough, just like the rest of them...always doing some sneaky shit behind my back.” You looked at yourself in the mirror, completely confused and drowning in anger and frustration. You opened the door, a look of heavy disdain on your face, “give me my phone, Jimin.” You weren’t sure what it was, but his usual cockiness faded, and he handed you your phone.
You snatched it out of his hand and began to gather what you could see of your stuff, “I don’t know what the fuck is happening here. I don’t know why you have grouped me into whatever fucking group the chick from last night was, but that’s not me. I’m too good a woman to deal with whatever bullshit I stepped into with you and Namjoon and who the fuck else knows. You told me your weren’t the boyfriend type and believe me I sure the fuck know why you think that...Ain’t no one got time for, whatever this is. Goodbye Jimin.” He didn’t even fight you, he accepted defeat...maybe he knew he was defeated when he said he loved you.
“Wow, really? Not even a word,” you shook your head and walked out of his door. Your heart broke, no...your heart shattered, not even a word, you couldn’t believe it. “Wait,” he called out, but like your fuck screams into the passing traffic the night before, no one heard him, “I...just...fumbled, again.”
--
“Are you fucking serious?” Jimin’s jaw dropped open, walking in on his perfect, beautiful girlfriend...the only one that he had ever had, the only one he had ever allowed himself to love, to trust...under the control of Namjoon’s dick. “Oh God...baby,” she pulled herself out from under Namjoon and ran after Jimin who was storming out of his own apartment. “Jiminie, where are you going?” Namjoon called out, the sound of victory taking over his voice, “...come on, it’s your bed, we can all get to know each other a bit better, right Vix.” Jimin turned around, his ‘perfect girlfriend’ running after him, “Jiminssi, it's not what you think. I mean, yes I was fucking him, but we’ve known each other for a long time and I ran into him and I invited him over to meet you. When he got here, he saw your picture and was floored that he already knew you. I started to make dinner...and…” she shrugged, biting her finger as if naive and innocent, “well you know my needs baby. You’d want them to be met, right? Plus you know how I’d been telling you I wanted a threesome, I mean...surprise!”
Jimin didn’t want to stay and listen. Didn’t want to know that what he was witnessing was true, the actual truth, but he was frozen. Namjoon, the part of his high school ‘friend group’ that just ate into his whole existence, a constant enemy. He balled up his fists and started to take deep and deliberate breaths, trying to decide what direction he was going to take. This choice of direction a decision he had to make, because Namjoon always made him...he just never could let Jimin win. Always had to be the one who tore him down, the one who crossed the finish line just a second quicker, the one whose exam grades were just a little higher, the one whose family had all the money they could ever even dream of, while Jimin didn’t have money for the bus...it would always be like this.
“Every fucking time, bro?” Jimin called out, “every time?” Jimin’s stomach turned, listening to Namjoon’s laugh take over his place. “Vix, I want you and him and all your shit out of here, fucking now. You have 2 hours before I come back and fuck everything, fucking everything, up...you cheating ass whore,” he ran out, slamming the door. “Fucking stupid, stupid, stupid,” he slammed his hand on the steering wheel of his car, disgusted with himself. Ever since he was younger, he knew that life was never meant to be easy for him. His fucked up family, his ‘friends’, everything seemed to be pointing in the same direction...to hell. He had learned early that he shouldn’t trust anyone but himself. He didn’t even fully trust Yoongi and he was the closest thing he knew to family.
But this girl...she said all the right things, did all the right things, chose him...over all the guys that night, she chose him. The quietest one in the club, the shyest, the one just there because his friends made him. And she smiled at him, made him feel things...real things. At least that’s what he thought, but now...now he knew, that too good to be true is real. And that’s when he made the vow, that’s when he decided…
“No commitments. No responsibilities. No cares. It’s about me, and me only.”
--
He felt relief when he got your voicemail...
“Look, babygirl. I mean, just, ahh. I'm just, I’m sorry. I wish I would have been able to let my past go. I wish I could have been able to be the man I wanted to be, the one you deserved, but that’s not me. I’m bad for you, bad news. I knew that when we started falling for each other, I knew that I needed to get out, I knew it wasn’t going to work. I knew who I was, but you pulled on me...stronger than her, stronger than anything ever. I really, really loved...love you. Now that I love you, I’ll never love another girl. Maybe if I realized back then, we wouldn’t be here...with nothing. Just, please don’t let my mess up, mess you up...ok. You really are a great girl, it’s not your fault, you did everything I asked of you, I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he shook his head, shaking the tears from his eyes. Something took over him, this feeling in the depths of his stomach, it felt like it was choking him...he’d never felt it before. And then he realized what it was….guilt.
“Hey, I know you don’t want to talk about it...if you want to drop me off at my apartment, that’s totally ok,” you tried to sound ok, tried to let him off the hook, but it was hard...you felt, something new, something you hadn’t ever felt before. Your internal dialogue was stuck on what it was as well. As if the emotion characters in Inside Out were talking over your own sensibilities. “Why?” he stated, his head turning to you quickly, the first time he spoke to you since the bar. “I just...it seems like you want or maybe...need...time alone,” you stammered. The look in his eyes wasn't so much a turn on at the moment, his eyes were hooded, darkened exactly how they were when he was in control, but this look felt...gross. “My ‘extra’ shit too much for you babygirl?” he asked, immediately you felt tears well. It wasn’t that he asked the question, it was the way he asked the question, like he expected you to walk away.
“I don’t even know what your extra shit is Jimin, how can it be too much?” you stated, pissed and annoyed. Your thoughts raced, what the fuck bro I’m here...I’m asking, what I can do. “Yeah,” he took a quick glance at you and then attached his gaze back to the road, “it will be.” “Well, tell me, and let me decide...trust me,” you pleaded. He laughed, full body, quickly had to refocus on driving because he so rapidly allowed the laughter to completely take over his sense of being. You were so stunned by his reaction that you just stared at him, unable to comprehend, unable to process...unable to move. He gathered himself together and looked at you, his face finally softening, “I’m so sorry babygirl.” He giggled, his disposition was sinister, but if there was a positive way to read the word...that was it. “Yeah,” you murmured and shifted your focus to looking out of the window.
“Fuck! I really wish we would have been able to at least drink something...maybe I could deal with this mind-fuck of a moment,” you could hear little traces of the man you loved mixed in with what seemed like a traumatized, at least a little bit, man. “You should take me home,” you stated, no longer able to tolerate the discomfort, unknowing, the overwhelming feeling of ‘ick’. “I don’t want to, babygirl,” he giggled, slightly nudging your cheek trying to get his playful girlfriend back, but he was too late, she had flown out of the car when his uncontrollable laughter took her place.
“Sorry, babyboy, you don’t have a choice,” you stated, more sarcastically then intended. “Oh wow, that’s a new voice. I don’t think I like it,” he responded, a look of disdain on his face. “Well I guess it’s getting harder for me to hide how pissed I am,” you stated, crossing your arms, refocusing on counting the street lights that you passed. Without any warning, he quickly swerved off the road, immediately staring in your eyes. “Jimin, what the fuck?” now you weren’t sure what was happening. “Don’t be like that. I’m sorry...all of this,” he pointed to himself, moving his finger up and down over his body, “this isn’t you, right now, ok. I’m sorry...this is so much stupid shit. Don’t make me take you home. Come home with me...you are the best distraction, please.” His eyes were set in a pleading look that made your heart burst. How can I leave him, you thought to yourself.
You released a puff of air, reminding him that you were indeed pissed, no matter how much ‘sexy’ was dripping off of his body. “Come on babygirl,” he whispered, running his hand over your hair, just the touch of his hand made your pussy clench. You knew if he pulled your hair and sucked on your neck it would be over. Your dirty thoughts began to run through your mind as if they were a scrolling banner...Angry sex, hard and rough, I bet its so good. I bet he makes me cum so hard. Damn I can smell him. Fuck I need him so bad, why am I always horny with him. He has all the control. I just want him to touch me, finger me right now, JIMIN…”finger me!” Without missing a beat, he placed the car fully in park and reached under your skirt. You shifted your body down, spreading your legs, you watched as his lips formed into that smirk...the smirk that could make you do anything, willingly.
There were no words, just looks...sex, pure hot lust, it spread all over you like a new floral lotion. He stared at you, watching every small twitch of your eyelids, every shape that your lips created, the differing angles of your neck. His fingers pushed in, finger fucking you, the sound of his fingers pumping into your wet pussy just added to the sex in the air. You caught a glimpse of the windows, fog began to set in...you were no longer able to see out of them. The only thing you could see was that dark look in his eyes, which was both the hottest thing you had ever seen and the most unsettling. You moaned softly, but he quickly covered your mouth...keeping his hand there as he shifted more to really pound into you. The feel of his hand over your mouth, the look in his eye, and now his focus on rubbing against your clit...your body was in overdrive. You didn’t know what the fuck was happening, all you knew was that his magical fingers were ripping pleasure into your drenched cunt, and all you could do was let go. And you did. You screamed his name over and over into his hand, your body writhed in the pleasure, your hands pushed against the window and his thigh.
He let you fall a bit, then would rub a little more, bringing you quickly back up to your peak. It was too much, but not enough. You were starving for his attention, you needed all of him. After peaking again you reached for him, twisting the soft fabric of his shirt into your hands. You pulled him over to you, knocking his hand away from your mouth long enough for you to beg, “fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!” His smirk returned, and with it his full confidence as if your need for him was a reminder that he had you, and Namjoon did not. He pulled free from your hold and said two words that would make your dreams wet, “get out.” You didn’t think, you just obeyed. Before you were all the way out, he was already meeting you outside of the passenger side door. “You want my dick, right here right now?” he asked, the depths from which his growl pulled from made you whimper in response. “Yes...sir,” the words fell out and the moment they hit his ear, he was ripping your panties from your body, stuffing them in his pocket before he unzipped his pants. He pulled out his cock, rock hard...ready to fuck you into oblivion.
Without words, he put his hand partially in your hair and partially spread over the diagonal of your neck. He pulled you into a hard kiss before he pushed you from the passenger side door, to the passenger side of the hood. His sharp and aggressive movements, lifting your skirt and leaving it gathered around your waist. The air around you making you feel even more exposed than you already were. He hovered over your neck, as if a lion taking in the scent of his kill before he took his first bite. He snarled, the sexy scrunch of his face showing the full breadth of his desire for you. Before you realized, he had you flipped over, his hand on your back pushing your body down over the hood. “FUCK!” you yelled out, his cock immediately slamming into your pussy, hard and fast didn’t do the way he was fucking you justice...no it wasn’t hard and fast. No, this fuck was other worldly. The sound of the cars rushing by, the lights that came and went, as he pumped in and out of you. In and out, in and out...holding onto your waist for leverage, his thrusts met only in force by how he was pulling your waist to meet them. Your screams of his name, of every curse word you knew, of every dirty nasty filthy explanation of the unadulterated bliss...were loud, immense, but heard by no one. Not even Jimin, the sounds of the traffic flowing by muffled your sounds, just like Jimin’s hand. His pace quickened, your mind officially blown, you sat back and enjoyed the seminar on how to FUCK...because he was not fucking you he was FUCKING YOU. Then, he hit deep, stayed still and used your hair to pull you up to him. Saying nothing, but sucking brand new marks into your neck and shoulder, as he softened.
He turned you around and pulled your skirt back down, then led you back into the passenger side of his car, kissing your lips before he closed the door. The few seconds that it took for him to round the back of his car were filled by you losing your mind, scrunching your hands into your hair, then moving them down to pat your obviously reddened cheeks. Your internal thoughts were simple, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK… “You still want to go home babygirl?” he asked, his smirk telling you that he knew...he knew that he was now your compass. Wherever he pointed, you followed happily along, he was the one who indicated north...and that was it. No tapping out. No white flag raised. It just was...him.
--
After another long night of what seemed like endless sex, you realized that you didn’t even remember the last time you checked your phone or ate or showered...you chuckled quietly, looking at Jimin’s spent body sprawled across his bed. His plump naked ass slipping out from under the sheets, his tattoo reminding you that it was indeed your boyfriend, you wanted to run your hand over his soft skin...but he needed to rest and fuck so did you. You moved as quietly as possible to his living room, one of his shirts pulled over you, bare bottomed since it seemed like he had torn through every pair of underwear you had at his house. You made a quick note in your phone to remember to buy more and bring more, then you moved into checking your email, text messages…
What the fuck, Namjoon?
[Namjoon]: So did he tell you about her…
[Namjoon]: I was surprised at how quick he left actually
[Namjoon]: but the look on his face...priceless…
[Namjoon]: oh and just so you know
[Namjoon]: I knew who you were when I met you
[Namjoon]: you know that he knew that right
[Namjoon]: at that moment, he knew that the only girl he actually cared about...was with me
[Namjoon]: you honestly can’t write this shit
You were in a state of shock. In all the interactions you had had with Namjoon, there was never any indication that he had even a shred of contempt towards anyone. So he knew that I was Jimin’s fuck buddy? What? You were lost.
[You]: you knew that I was Jimin’s hookup?
You considered waking Jimin up to talk about it, but considering the night you had just had with him, you decided it would be better to deal with it on your own...for now.
[Namjoon]: well hello, I guess text is really the only way you communicate huh
[Namjoon]: so did he tell you about her
[Namjoon]: wait, wait, don’t tell me…
[Namjoon]: nope
Your heart hurt. Who was this person on the other end of these words?
[You]: Are you being mean to him because of me?
[You]: I know it was fucked the way I ended it
[You]: I’m a big girl, I can accept that...but what is all this with Jimin
[Namjoon]: Why don’t you go wake up your fuckboy and ask him about my girlfriend
[Namjoon]: I’m positive he isn’t reading this with you
[Namjoon]: because you would have stopped texting me
[Namjoon]: also, yes...WE ALL FUCKING KNEW
[Namjoon]: he was so pathetic...fucking fool, he never learns
[Namjoon]: anyway...text me back when you know the whole story
[Namjoon]: fuck, who knows...maybe you’ll thank me
[Namjoon]: and thank you for showing me who you were earlier than I needed to show you who I was
You dropped your phone. You wanted to cry or at least you thought that maybe that's what you should be doing, but you felt numb. You just sat there, staring at Jimin’s tv...darkened, off. It reminded you of yourself.
“Babygirl? Where are you and that sexy ass of yours?” you heard Jimin call out from the bedroom. You paused momentarily, then called out, “be right there, baby.” You opened your texts and selected Namjoon’s texts and your conversation and clicked on the three dots to delete, but…
--
“Babygirl?” Jimin asked, his voice sounded impatient and close. After the middle of the night fuck sessions you felt like you had just completed, your body would not allow you to do anything but sleep. But after, Jimin was hyped and on his way to make pancakes. Now, he was sitting next to you and from what you could make of the situation, he was pissed...again. You turned over and looked up at him, “good morning sexy.” You smiled only to see a grimace back at you, as if you had called his mother a whore or something, “nope, not a good morning, babygirl...when were you gonna tell me about these texts?” Your eyes widened at the site of Jimin holding open your phone and scrolling through your texts. “What the fuck, Jimin...give it to me,” you sat up and reached for it. Before you could grab it he stood up and started reading Namjoon’s texts from the night before. “Seriously, when?” he asked, as if he was doing nothing wrong.
You shook your head and got out of bed, heading straight into the bathroom. While there you cleaned yourself up, the sound of his knocking on the door like bright sunshine to a migraine, “you can look through my phone too if you want. I thought I could trust you, but something told me that maybe I should check and sure enough, just like the rest of them...always doing some sneaky shit behind my back.” You looked at yourself in the mirror, completely confused and drowning in anger and frustration. You opened the door, a look of heavy disdain on your face, “give me my phone, Jimin.” You weren’t sure what it was, but his usual cockiness faded, and he handed you your phone.
You snatched it out of his hand and began to gather what you could see of your stuff, “I don’t know what the fuck is happening here. I don’t know why you have grouped me into whatever fucking group the chick from last night was, but that’s not me. I’m too good a woman to deal with whatever bullshit I stepped into with you and Namjoon and who the fuck else knows. You told me your weren’t the boyfriend type and believe me I sure the fuck know why you think that...Ain’t no one got time for, whatever this is. Goodbye Jimin.” He didn’t even fight you, he accepted defeat...maybe he knew he was defeated when he said he loved you.
“Wow, really? Not even a word,” you shook your head and walked out of his door. Your heart broke, no...your heart shattered, not even a word, you couldn’t believe it. “Wait,” he called out, but like your fuck screams into the passing traffic the night before, no one heard him, “I...just...fumbled, again.”
--
“Are you fucking serious?” Jimin’s jaw dropped open, walking in on his perfect, beautiful girlfriend...the only one that he had ever had, the only one he had ever allowed himself to love, to trust...under the control of Namjoon’s dick. “Oh God...baby,” she pulled herself out from under Namjoon and ran after Jimin who was storming out of his own apartment. “Jiminie, where are you going?” Namjoon called out, the sound of victory taking over his voice, “...come on, it’s your bed, we can all get to know each other a bit better, right Vix.” Jimin turned around, his ‘perfect girlfriend’ running after him, “Jiminssi, it's not what you think. I mean, yes I was fucking him, but we’ve known each other for a long time and I ran into him and I invited him over to meet you. When he got here, he saw your picture and was floored that he already knew you. I started to make dinner...and…” she shrugged, biting her finger as if naive and innocent, “well you know my needs baby. You’d want them to be met, right? Plus you know how I’d been telling you I wanted a threesome, I mean...surprise!”
Jimin didn’t want to stay and listen. Didn’t want to know that what he was witnessing was true, the actual truth, but he was frozen. Namjoon, the part of his high school ‘friend group’ that just ate into his whole existence, a constant enemy. He balled up his fists and started to take deep and deliberate breaths, trying to decide what direction he was going to take. This choice of direction a decision he had to make, because Namjoon always made him...he just never could let Jimin win. Always had to be the one who tore him down, the one who crossed the finish line just a second quicker, the one whose exam grades were just a little higher, the one whose family had all the money they could ever even dream of, while Jimin didn’t have money for the bus...it would always be like this.
“Every fucking time, bro?” Jimin called out, “every time?” Jimin’s stomach turned, listening to Namjoon’s laugh take over his place. “Vix, I want you and him and all your shit out of here, fucking now. You have 2 hours before I come back and fuck everything, fucking everything, up...you cheating ass whore,” he ran out, slamming the door. “Fucking stupid, stupid, stupid,” he slammed his hand on the steering wheel of his car, disgusted with himself. Ever since he was younger, he knew that life was never meant to be easy for him. His fucked up family, his ‘friends’, everything seemed to be pointing in the same direction...to hell. He had learned early that he shouldn’t trust anyone but himself. He didn’t even fully trust Yoongi and he was the closest thing he knew to family.
But this girl...she said all the right things, did all the right things, chose him...over all the guys that night, she chose him. The quietest one in the club, the shyest, the one just there because his friends made him. And she smiled at him, made him feel things...real things. At least that’s what he thought, but now...now he knew, that too good to be true is real. And that’s when he made the vow, that’s when he decided…
“No commitments. No responsibilities. No cares. It’s about me, and me only.”
--
He felt relief when he got your voicemail...
“Look, babygirl. I mean, just, ahh. I'm just, I’m sorry. I wish I would have been able to let my past go. I wish I could have been able to be the man I wanted to be, the one you deserved, but that’s not me. I’m bad for you, bad news. I knew that when we started falling for each other, I knew that I needed to get out, I knew it wasn’t going to work. I knew who I was, but you pulled on me...stronger than her, stronger than anything ever. I really, really loved...love you. Now that I love you, I’ll never love another girl. Maybe if I realized back then, we wouldn’t be here...with nothing. Just, please don’t let my mess up, mess you up...ok. You really are a great girl, it’s not your fault, you did everything I asked of you, I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he shook his head, shaking the tears from his eyes. Something took over him, this feeling in the depths of his stomach, it felt like it was choking him...he’d never felt it before. And then he realized what it was….guilt.
